In the midst of a conversation on an expat page, a question. Is anyone else here living in Ghana, we’ve just moved here and I’d love to meet you.
The desperation of newness is an emotion I know well. Hello my name’s Kirsty, I hope you don’t mind that I’ve arrived unannounced to your baby group. While I’m here though, is anyone moving on or leaving town soon? You are? Great! Would you mind if I came home with you and had a look at your house, we’re looking for something in the area. That was me on a visit to Kuala Lumpur two weeks before we moved there. And yes, we did end up in that house. In one day I found a house, a car, two new friends, and a baby group. That’s called relocating like a BOSSSSSS. Of course it’s not, it’s called relocating when you’ve been given two weeks to do so.
A girlfriend of mine put a note out on Facebook that she was stepping back from her column writing while she wrote some non-fiction. After writing two or three columns a week over ten years she jokingly said she was sick of her own voice. I nodded with gusto, not because I’m sick her voice, I love her voice, but I’m really sick of my own. I”ve now gone past the 1500 post mark that’s roughly 100,000,000 words.
I often wonder if I bang on about this expat thing too much. Is it really such a big deal? Is it making people’s eyes glaze over? Am I actually just boring the pants off of unsuspecting readers who thought they were coming here to read a story about a beagle on an adventure?
One of the joys of starting the podcast has been the opportunity to hear and tell the stories of other expats . Women who’ve narrowly escaped death after being medevaced from foreign lands. Women who have resurrected careers in locations I’d never heard of. And women who have risen from the ashes of a marital affair.
Why do I keep banging on about it? Our expat conditions are often lauded as glamorous and indulged, for good reason. With job offers sprinkled with perks such as housing provided, school fees, and tax free, it’s easy to see the bright side. Social media accounts are awash with long brunches and beachside holidays shown as the reality of expat life. It’s far more exciting to speak of these things even if it’s only a snippet of the reality. Perhaps I should just shut it down, and be thankful.
Only it wouldn’t be the truth.
Expat life has its perks but it also has its problems. The accompanying spouse continues to be offered “grocery money” for full time work, held captive with the visa restrictions and notion that he or she is playing second fiddle in his or her expat ensemble. School places are limited and children with special needs are often ignored. Post natal depression soars within the mix of missing family and home while trying to understand health care (or lack of) in a foreign land. Low income workers remain to be exploited, household staff are tucked away out of sight. We say goodbye often, let go, move on and start again. We often return home and marvel over the simplicity of a policeman directing traffic, a family picnic where everyone is wearing shorts in the park, a same sex couple in an embrace on the beach. We live in a state of geographical schizophrenia, I like it here, I miss it there, should we be living…?
Our expat lives should be celebrated, we are lucky, dare I say it hashtag blessed – but honesty also needs to prevail. It’s not all flowers and chocolates, there’s the occasional cockroach in the salad. While we have so much to be thankful for we need to keep telling the stories of the idiosyncrasies of expat life.
We will continue to arrive at our destinations and find a house, a car and a corkscrew to open the much needed wine. We will sit at our computers and search for clues on how to set up our new lives while mourning the loss of our old. We will type messages to strangers “Hi, is anyone else living in…?”
It occurred to me this morning as I interviewed a woman who’d lived in eight or nine locations in the past fifteen years that while I’m sick of the sound of my own voice, I really enjoy to hear yours. Your truth, your happy and your sad.
I’m going to keep banging on about it for awhile longer.
Lovely piece. Keep banging on because remember you are articulating a lot of what we are all feeling, and by hearing you talk about it we realize we are normal and not alone 🙂
Please, please do continue “banging on about it” both in print and via Podcast. Your work is worthwhile, interesting, helpful, and sometimes just simply very entertaining! Thank you!
Bang away sister!
Please do. There are some days when your posts are the only thing that keep me sane and make me realise I’m not alone in this crazy expat world. x
PS: I’ve just done a MEGA catch-up on your podcasts after a few weeks getting ready to go to Oz and then two weeks in Oz. I love them (and you). I was in Doha in transit in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago and waved to you!
I felt the same way when we were in Dubai for the softball tournament, I kept looking over the city thinking she’s here somewhere!
thank you xx
thanks so much Joan xx
Thanks Lucille, when I started my expat life I remember sitting in a hotel room looking out over Jakarta with no idea on how the city worked or what my life there was going to look like. Just a minute ago I spoke to a woman in Tokyo over Skype about her expat life there and what it looks like. Oh how times have changed! We are definitely not alone. xxx
The thing is, what you write helps spouses realise they’re not alone. Others have been experiencing this too. And that is priceless!
Oh Corinne, that is such a lovely thing to say. Thank you xxx
I am getting ready for our first long term expat assignment soon…. I have such mixed emotions! Our daughter is in college so I will be home alone. Away from family and friends… Your article brought smile to my face and the realization that I might just be able to do this. Maybe…. But thank you!
I love reading your blog as an expat myself but a completely different kind of one! There are of course some similarites but I don’t think I could cope with the culture shock of what you and your expat friends deal with.
I miss this sort of expat life–its ups and its downs!
Love love love the way you share your expat life – allowing us to giggle or groan at the similarities, wherever we are in the world (I’m in Tonga – very much a world apart).
Am so not sick of your voice. It’s the one blog and podcast I rarely miss. So don’t leave soon, I don’t want to move into your ‘house’.
Your blog made realize that so many expat spouses are going through the same things as me. I moved to California (from the UK) so there’s no language barrier, but I definitely experienced culture shock! Your writing breaks away from all the clichés and tells the truth about living far away from home, in its full craziness and glory and horror! Keep up the blog and your wonderful podcast.
As a newbie to your blog I love it. It brings a smile to a lot of faces..keep it going.
I will def come over to Doha for one of your sessions at some stage! We need to meet in real life. x
As a newbie to your blog I love it. It brings a smile to a lot of faces..keep it going.
Thanks Kym xx
Please keep it up! Just recently moving to our fifth posting overseas, I am so grateful to have your podcast to listen to. I am in that early-days-not-ready-to-make-friends-yet-but-am-sorta-lonely-phase and love having ‘my girls’ to listen to whilst driving in the car trying to find my way around Hong Kong. The relatability of topics is so comforting and funny and sad and amazing. We might be a niche group, and it might be first world kinda problems, but they are our issues, so they should not be pooh-poohed. Thank you for being a friend…cue the Golden Girls music! Seriously, keep it up. And YES, I would love another podcast per week (you asked recently) and I think it would be cool to have one of them be interviews. I would especially love a segment on the Fat Expat Husbands and what they have to say about certain topics. Cheers from HK, Jennifer
I love your ‘early days not ready to make friends yet’ phrase – I so get that and I thought it was just me! My trouble is that sometimes I never get out of that phase. I hope you find a great bunch of friends to discover HK with. I hear it is a great posting for an expat.
You’re most welcome 🙂