G and I were at a beach party at a fancy hotel last year. The music was reggae, we were drinking mojitos and everyone was lounging beachside. At the end of the night while we waited for friends we did something that most couples do without thinking – we kissed, until we received a tap on the shoulder.
“No kissing no kissing” said the security guard while waving a finger in our faces. It’s illegal for men and women to show displays of public affection in Qatar.
I’d forgotten about Kissinggate until this week’s filming of “What did I have to lose?” There’s so many little things that happen here that become everyday life. Things that you stop to question, they no longer seem outrageous and become perfectly acceptable.
After publishing the first episode of ‘What did I have to lose’ I anxiously waited for feedback on what I’d done wrong, what could be improved. The feedback came in the form of emails and comments with a common theme. The cushion. “Really enjoyed it but please get rid of that apple cushion in the background”. And then “What was on that cushion? Was it a watermelon? Really distracting!”
The cushion is gone. This week’s filming disaster came in the final scene, it’s a bit fuzzy but I had to keep it in as I think what Maria had to say was so touching. Once again, I’d love to know your thoughts. Does it need music? Different questions? Shorter? Longer? This week we have Christine from Canada, Denise form Ireland, Jane from Scotland and Maria from the US. They all did a fantastic job while negotiating filming through a barking beagle and a very well behaved 3 year old wielding an iPad.
Hope you enjoy. Let me know your thoughts? You can subscribe to the Youtube channel if you want to make sure you don’t miss out on the next one. And if you have a friend who you think will identify please feel free to share. What did you have to lose is all about a common conversation, letting others know that we’re all feeling the same way. You’re not alone out there. So, what did you have to lose?
Another fantastic episode! I really relate to the intimacy issue. Matt still goes to hold my hand in public or he will sneak in a kiss and I completely shy away from him out of fear which is really sad because at home we are very affectionate with one another.
I loved that one of the ladies spoke about losing their shyness. I can really understand that as I used to be very shy and hated meeting new people but you just cannot have that attitude as an expat. We are all in the same boat and we all have to put ourselves out there so we can meet new people. Loved this episode!
Great again really enjoyed it another good mix of people. I still find public displays of affection strange to see a year after leaving the Middle East, I have to remind myself that it’s ok! I think the transitions with the questions and sound affects on screen are a little distracting and amateurish just keep them simple to keep the film flowing more (sorry I used to be a teacher and still sound like one at times!) looking forward to the next one
You have a gift Kirsty!
Its not easy to get people to open up their innermost thoughts and feelings when there’s a video camera pointed at them – even women as accomplished and worldy as these. If you have a minute, have a look on Youtube at the Robin Clark Awards – they are the annual Victorian child protection worker awards where the nominees are interviewed about caring for kids. I love them as my last role before “expatting” myself to France was as director for this talented bunch with an amazing ability to walk into a strangers home and film the absolute core of what drives them to do such difficult work. The best is an older clip interviewing a foster care couple calmly sitting at the kitchen table saying how much fostering gives back to them and all around the kitchen hell is breaking loose with kids going nuts. The young guy behind them Chris Riordan is now sought after as a speaker on digital media in Australia.
I agree with Amanda on the sounds – I loved them last time and thought the jet sound was bang on, but this time they were a bit distracting and I was keen to get to the next clip. Its tough to balance the ongoing viewers with the late arrivals needing some guidance. Maybe a quicker sound to transition and no question on screen? Most of your interviewees actually start their answers with “I lost my…” which pretty much intimates the question for you.
Oh I am loving this series! I don’t think there’s anything I can critique, except that I was also a bit distracted by the sounds (if you’re ASKING). I would suggest simply your intro / title slides and then let your subjects identify what the question is … like Danielle said.
Great work, Kirsty!
Loved the lady who “lost” her shyness … because I realize that I did too 🙂 As I’m learning to edit video myself, I’m soooo impressed with your skills – you’re doing great! This episode is a nice balance to the first one, as the women are talking about ways they’ve overcome their losses or turned them into gains.
I’m really enjoying this video series Kirsty as I’m a fairly new to the expat world. Really fascinating to hear the stories about public displays of affection between men and women. Here in Italy, I sometimes find the opposite case quite incredible. Moving to a new country certainly shakes up what we take for granted and what we value. Keep the camera rolling.
This is wonderful…but hard for me to watch in that the honesty is sometimes so raw. I cried when she said she felt diluted…expat life is so complicated and its unusual (in my experiences) to hear other expat women open up in this way .. we seem to feel a need to “pose” “pretend” “protect” . I really appreciate this, thank you.
I love listening to this women. I told my friend at home, she is my friend for 17 years now, that me and my husband will get posted to another country. We are Expats since 1995. Now she told me she can’t be a close friend anymore because we never see each other and only have contact over email. So sad. That’s what I’ve lost last week.
Me too, Nanc!
I found the mixture of experiences that are common & experiences that are quite specific (like losing shyness) quite lovely. Kirsty, a technical thing – the volume kept changing & I kept having to fiddle with my volume controls which was annoying. I think it’s just because some women were speaking louder than others,. Did anyone else have this issue?
Beautiful comment Nanc.
Danielle, thank you THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Your comment was fantastic, I went straight over to the Robin Clark awards and sat for ages watching those clips. It was the perfect inspiration. I’ve decided I need music for my clips so I’ll give that a try next week. I think the jet sounds were longer this time, I reckon the jet ran for 4 seconds last time but 8 seconds this time – your feedback was so helpful. Thank you!
I agree with the volume, I had to turn one person up and I never quite found the balance. I’ll see if I can work it out this week. Thank you xx
Angela that’s awful! Really awful. I think she may have done you a favour, she doesn’t sound like a great friend to have. Oh how I wish I could interview you in my home. xx
Thanks Jenny, I’m loving this project.
Maria had two things she thoughts she’d talk about and when she said shyness I knew they’d be others who would identify. I’m so glad she ran with it.
Thanks for the feedback. I think maybe I stretched them out too far this time, and I also think if you know the format you don’t really need the segways to tell you what’s going to happen next. I’ll keep working on it.
I think you might be right. Thanks for the feedback Naomi. xx
It really hurt but we have to get over this and hope there will be a new friend coming into my life soon. There is so much to do before we move, that’s a good thing…..otherwise I think too much. Thank you
I admit I cried too when I heard that. I’m an Aussie who has just spent the last two years living in Haiti. 4 weeks ago we moved to Jamaica and I’m having a hard time transitioning. I know it’s early days and everything will get better but I’m definitely feeling diluted right now. Reading this blog and hearing about other women’s experiences makes me feel a bit less like a crazy person. Thank you!
As always Kirsty GREAT WORK!!! ….something I struggle with is allowing myself to ‘drop the ball’ and ‘have a good cry’ when it all gets too hard…..I may have created this within myself, but I feel because we left Australia and chose to live this wonderful/adventurous/crazy lifestyle then it would be wrong of me to have bad days and report them to family and friends back home because this was our choice to ‘hop’ around the world. So I find myself sucking it up a lot more than perhaps I would have back home – It’s hardening my shell and I am not sure I like that part of me too much – make sense??? Cheers Denise