The kids had a question. They’d watched a story on the ABC about a Pakistani girl going to a white bred, middle class Australian school where she’d been bullied about her head scarf and skin colour. “Mum, was it like that when you went to school in Australia?”
“I can’t remember anyone with a headscarf? But I can remember oodles of kids whose parents were immigrants, maybe 50% of the school, maybe a bit less? My school was full of children whose parents spoke Greek or Italian at home, we had a few Vietnamese kids and Turkish kids.”
“Why didn’t the Turkish girls wear headscarfs?”
“I’m not sure? Maybe their Mums did? I don’t know – I never asked. I was pretty clueless when it came to understanding other peoples culture. I barely understood my own. I was one of those white bred middle class kids. It’s only been since I’ve travelled that I’ve considered what it is to be Australian.”
It was over a year ago when a girlfriend of the first little traveller sent out an email letting everyone know she’d be wearing a headscarf from now on. A few weeks before that another girlfriend began wearing an Abaya. In the transition age of 11 – 14 I’ve watched a group of young girls make choices on how they will culturally represent their womanhood. And while personal decisions have been made party invites have continued to be handed out, band practice has gone on, and soccer training attended.
In an expat child’s world there is no talk of assimilation or blending. They may be asked to follow the rules, (shoulders covered, nothing too short) but they will never be Qatari, the option is not there therefore never considered. The French are French, the Americans American, the Indians Indian – but we refer to ourselves as an International community. Each of us fronting up each day in our jeans, saris, Abayas and Thobes while working at the tuck shop, helping out with reading, and coaching the baseball.
At a dinner last week I sat with a woman who works in a private school in Adelaide. She asked about the children’s school, their facilities. I explained how lucky we had been, the technology, the baseball field, the free wifi for parents, and teachers who have travelled all over the world. “The school is well funded, we have great libraries and nifty things like a rock climbing wall, indoor and outdoor pools, and a Subway in the cafeteria.”
“Well, I guess it’s important you get them back to the real world, because that’s not real life is it.”
“No it’s not.” I agreed.
“But it hasn’t been a bad way to grow up.”
I thought about it later on the drive home. It’s not real life.
There’s 2000 kids at our school. Do they realise it’s not real?
It’s not real life.
Maybe it’s not.
It’s not real life.
But it’s our life.
It’s not real life.
She’s right. In her reality.
It’s not real life.
It hasn’t been a bad way to grow up. For all of us.
I would agree. Having just repatriated with our kids who pretty much lived their whole life in the ME and are now in Uni back home….
It’s not real life. But it’s not a bad way to grow up. I like that they are global citizens and are currently thinking about/discussing the situations in the Ukraine and Israel/Gaza rather than being fixated on celebrities, what to wear and other more trivial matters in life. Thanks for sharing.
I agree, it is not really a normal life, but it is for the children that have attended International Schools all their lives. The abnormal life for them is when they come home to resettle. Some children adjust really well, but others have a bit of trouble. I think a lot of children’s expat life has to do with how their parents look at the life. Some like to live with maids etc, where the children don’t do anything!! The ones that keep their children’s feet firmly on the ground, and the group that will adjust anywhere with out any problems. Kirsty, reading your blog, I feel your children are very grounded and would settle anywhere!!!
That women sounds mean spirited to me, and a little jealous! It’s not HER real life but it is for your kids at the moment. What a priceless experience for them 🙂
I love your blog, We are an expat family who have just left India after five years and moved to a large country town in Australia. We are a British/Irish/ International blend! So we find ourselves in uncharted territory, Expats ( we will only stay in Aus for a few years) not migrants and nobody else nearby who is in similar situation at least not that we have met or heard of. My boys are teenagers and ‘real life’ for them is the expat community, as TCK’s (third culture kids) their real life experience has been with peers who grew up with maids and drivers and private school, two holidays a year and been called Sir by the age of 12, whether it is anyone else’s ‘real life’ or not. It’s a privileged life, yes, but it being their everyday experience for five years makes it very real for them. they don’t identify with their peers in suburbia in the UK or the peers in Aus on their vast country properties. They seek out the kids who have experienced the same as them, sadly hard to find here, they keep in contact with friends made all over the world via skype and FB, they are their tribe, they * get* them, Its the common experience that grows and maintains the friendships across religions and borders. It is a privileged life, for sure, but for expat teenagers it is a ‘real life’ nonetheless.
Kirsty I love your blog. We are expats with kids similar ages to yours who have lived overseas all their lives. This is our real life. Just because it’s not someone else’s reality does not make it less real. We deal with all the same stuff as everyone else… Work, education, health, teen angst! Yes, we are privileged but there are some negatives as well eg no family support. Not everyone wants the life we have but we chose it. It is very real to us.
It is real life! I’ve became an “expat brat” at the age of 2 and i’m now 30 and i’m still an expat through choice. I get quite annoyed when people say its not real life because its been my life and i’m pretty sure i’ve lived it all and its all been real. Just because i wasn’t in the UK what would have been so different to have made it “real”??
I went back to the UK for university and to be honest i hated it, the education was of a lesser standard than i was used to, the lifestyle was poorer, the weather was horrendous and it was so much more unwelcoming than an expat lifestyle. So please tell me why i need to live someone elses life for mine to be real?
Love your blog, too. But why is it not real life? I don’t feel Polish anymore (although when asked I say I am from Poland) but describe myself as European. What is not real about this?Is it because I don’t identify with any one country? Or maybe by saying, it is not real, maybe she meant something else: not being a part of the international community, but more this isn’t real as in they havent seen a war, they have comfortable lives? Maybe it isn’t about identity it’s about privilege? I still think it’s real, it is comfortable and privileged but not less real.
Funny, because the way I see it – it is more real than most since your children have a global perspective and are a little more worldly than most children. They know about other cultures, they understand the traditions of others and they embrace the beauty of different. Sounds like a well rounded education of life to me.
One of the things I love about this life (real or not) is the normalcy around difference and appreciation of similarities. If only more nations could extend such community to those that live within their national boundaries…
I find it hilarious that a teacher from a private school in Adelaide has the nerve to say your kids don’t live a real life. A real life is whatever life you are living and yes some people appear more fortunate than others, but it is what you do with your life that matters. I feel sorry for children being taught by that teacher.
Part of becoming a global citizen is to understand that “your reality” is not someone else’s real life and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. By exposing your kids to different ways of life, you broaden their perspectives.
How rude! Of course it’s real life, it’s just different!