The youngest little traveller is fond of a Q and A style discussion while making his way to school. In the middle of a podcast or a favourite song I’ll hear a faint “Muuuuuum” from the back seat which if ignored will build to a three syllable “MUUUUUAAAAAMMM”. The music will be turned down, the other travellers will stop what they’re doing, and the fourth little traveller will grin at the discovery that he now has the floor.
“Did you have other boyfriends before Dad?”
“Yes, oodles, but Dad was by far the best one.”
“Did you kiss them?”
“Yes! It was good fun.”
“Ewwww, that’s weird. Does Dad know?”
“Yes, but her prefers not to think about it. He’s kissed people as well, but no-one as good as Mum”.
“Can you turn the music up now” says the first little traveller, she’s heard it all before, and by the look on her face it’s making her feel ill.
Conversations about kissing are easy when you’re talking to a six year old. We’ve talked about special cuddles and babies in tummies but the details are still about love and romance. Couples romantically make decisions to be closer because they are in love. It’s all G rated with flowery music and soft tones. We are yet to get to the cold hard facts of logistics, timing and technicalities.
A friend of ours was driving his son to hockey on what seemed to be a very uneventful Sunday morning, when his thirteen year old son casually asked “What’s a blow job?” The conversation that followed was hysterical. Clarifications were made between blowing versus sucking, along with possible time frames, and obtainable outcomes.
“I thought we were just going to hockey? But I found myself in a really heavy discussion about what constituted as sex”. As a parent, giving out the right information in a casual but informed way can be terrifying. What if I scare them off? What if I make them feel awkward about asking me questions? What if I actually don’t really know the answer?
“I’ve been asked to divulge information that I’d usually keep for after dinner and two bottles of wine rather than while I’m pouring my milk on my cereal at the breakfast table” said another friend.
“When did you first prematurely ejaculate Dad?”
Hmmm let me think about that.
“When’s a good time to start having sex?” a girlfriend of mine was recently asked by her son.
Probably not this weekend, you’ve got a Scouts camp and the Under 14’s baseball grand final.
What was that Scout motto again? Be prepared.
I’m working on my answers list for the next Q and A.
Before I read this, I was feeling pretty crap. Now I’m laughing with delight because I now know that I am not alone! Some of the conversations my 14yo son has asked me in the last 12 months! And the always happen when I’m driving! What is it with that??
When my daughter turned 13 we were given Kaz Cooke’s Girl Stuff. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s a brilliant book. I wish she would write one for boys.
Hang on, maybe you and I can write one for boys?!? I’m sure between us and our friends we will have enough material to fill a door stop!
Let’s do it! 🙂
I’m still utterly thankful that Sapphire was insistent on knowing “all the real facts” about where babies come from when out grocery shopping with her father. She was only five at the time and when LC told her, she then sat back and laughed and laughed and laughed!
It would never have occurred to me to ask such questions of my parents!
My daughter’s sex ed started when she was about three at a church family camp when one of the leaders let the kids check out her very prominent belly button on her 8 months pregnant belly and then talked to them about what it was like to carry a a baby inside you. When they had it as a class topic in 5th grade she said, “Not this stuff again!” When my daughter was about nine or ten I remember buying her a book about body changes that had a picture on the cover of a teenager with oil wells on his face. And I remember warning her that her body would be able to produce a child way before she would be ready to be a parent so she should put off having sex as long as she could but when she felt she couldn’t wait any longer she should do something about birth control. I have no idea how long she was on the pill before I knew about it. Planned Parenthood was a blessing.
I often get asked questions like that in the car, because they know I can’t look at them and embarrass them. I bought Claire Rayner’s The Body Book, which is brilliant, and there are others by her as well, covering babies and stuff. Once the floodgates open there is no stopping the questions, so I did have to explain that restaurants were not good places to explain eunuchs and harlots.
I’m in! In all seriousness, I went looking for a book similar for my son, and there was nothing. Cooke writes candidly, honestly, and factually, with great references. Her book girl stuff has been a great point of departure in discussions with my daughter. (If you haven’t got it already get it for your girl who is turning 13 soon)
I remember demonstrating how to put a condom on an erect finger when my daughter was about four. I was watching a series called Degrassi High with her, as you do late in the afternoon. She didn’t suffer any psychological damage. My kids tuned out usually, when I got to the ‘too much information’ stage.
Happily, they’ve developed into pretty good adults.
Cheers.
Have a sex conversation with your 7 year-old daughter while trapped in the car with all of your in-laws. Great fun.