How do you make a sex sandwich?

I was somewhere around 7 years old when I was told (what I believed at the time) to be the funniest joke in the world. “How do you make a sex sandwich?” I had no idea of the technicalities of sex but when I heard the punch line I immediately squealed with laughter. “With Penis Butter and Vaginamite”. 

I think I love that joke even more now that I realize it is uniquely Australian. No one else makes up vegemite jokes.

The joke became a regular in my repertoire, even though I had no idea of how babies were made or the logistics of what went where I loved the play on words. I also knew it wasn’t a joke to be shared with my parents, it was purely for the playground. 

A couple of years later I went along with my father to my first ever sex education class. I, like a lot of  little girls, idolized my Dad (still do). He was the funniest, smartest, tallest guy I knew. I was eager to please and show him how clever I was. When the man pointed to the girly bits and asked what they were I shot up my hand and got that urgent bounce that little people do. The man pointed in my direction and said “we have someone over here who knows what it’s called”…..I was ecstatic and eagerly shouted out “its a VAGINAMITE”.  A girl at the end of the row called Andrea who was 10 times smarter than me and in my year (and knew the joke) giggled so much, she fell off her chair. Oops. Wrong word. 

After yesterday’s blog a conversation began about when we tell our little people information and how much is too much too soon. Little traveler number 1 already knows about secret women’s business, I got in early after finding out she had friends that were unfortunate enough to be “early starters” at age 9. She  knows that love presents itself in all different forms and that “special cuddles” are required for babies. Last weeks breakfast table question was “if you were gay and married in a state where it was legal in the US and you moved with your gay wife/husband to Australia…..would your marriage be recognized?” I’m pretty sure when I was 10 these were not things I was considering before I’d finished my weetbix.

I can’t help but think of friends who were out for a drive with their young son and daughter and the conversation moved on to love, marriage and all the different possibilities of who could end up together. Their daughter said with great pride of her depth of knowledge “I know what it’s called when you’re a lady who loves ladies…………you’re a vegetarian!”