How do I write the sound that a cat makes? Not the soft meow or the purr, but the noise we hear at the end of a “catty remark”. It’s the noise that is made (often by men) explaining the cat fight between two women.
I hate that noise. I hate the interruption of what is often a comment or question raised, only to be trivialised as nasty and unjust. We’re allowed to disagree, we’re allowed to question.
Women are often portrayed as bitchy. The mommy/mummy wars, the mean girls, the Alexis versus Chrystal Carrington. Our disagreements are unladylike, uncouth and undignified. We were so much easier to deal with when we just sat quietly in the powder room.
Yesterday, after much trepidation, I decided it was time to bare my soul and write about our choice to send our eldest off to boarding school. I’d held back perhaps in fear of being judged, I just wasn’t ready to defend our choice. I didn’t want to have to justify a personal decision on a public page.
What a fool.
After hundreds of comments and countless personal messages I’ve realised when it comes to raising our teens we’re all conflicted. What’s best? Which route to take? Am I being selfish or selfless? Is this decision going to be the one that completely screws up my child?
Your comments and advice yesterday helped me more than I can ever adequately articulate on the page. You’ve made me realise I’m not doing this alone, there’s thousands of us out there, and while some of you would make a different choice you’re not here to tell me mine is the wrong choice. There was not an ounce of judgement, more an astute understanding of how it feels to slowly release a child into the world. A women’s intuition if you will.
We’re in this together, thanks for the reminder.
Thank you xxx
Of course we all judge each other all the time and sometimes we share our judgments more or less forcefully than we should. Real friends tell you what you don’t want to hear as well as what you do want to hear but in the end, if they are a real friend, they respect your decision. Ultimately we all have to make these decisions on our own – regardless of what everyone else has to say. The challenge is often having the courage of our own convictions. Even with the tough decisions though I’m pretty sure you’ve got the courage.
Well said x
It’s funny, I never thought for a moment that you were SENDING her (like a punishment) … Although I only know you from you blog, I would naturally assume that it was a family idea & decision with veto power on all sides 🙂 Sending is really the wrong word… more like give her the opportunity.
So as a family decision, with pros and cons, it’s not for other to question, eh? But agree with many of the comments on your last post that often people say the first thing that pops to mind even if it’s not the right thing! They don’t mean to be judge-y but if you are already feeling sensitive, you pick up on that because you are human 🙂 As a parent of a child with down syndrome, I get that all the time… you know, “they are such happy children” and “god never gives you…” shite. Most people usually say 10 seconds later… “did i really just trot out that old stereotype?”
I am totes jealous in fact! I would have loved that opportunity as a kid. I was an expat kid for 3 years then back to Oz by age 10. My father considered a job in PNG when I was about 16 and I was totally cheering for it as it would have meant some kind of a boarding school solution, or to go with them (would have done that too!). But it didn’t happen and was always a bit disappointed!
Good luck with your next steps… whatever they turn out to be!
My husband and I have often wondered if we did the right thing by dragging our children along to different postings, but we always joke that with an expat salary we can at least safe some money to pay for their therapy 😉 (Joking aside, it is tough and you will never know if you do the ‘right’ thing till you can look back on it).