For some of you the beginning of the school year, or the “first day” is always in January, for others it is August or September. Our first day, was today. The beginning of a new year. New teachers, fresh classes, bare walls and new lockers. This morning we turned left instead of right, we waved across the hallway to last years teachers whilst searching for our new ones, we scanned class lists looking for familiar names, and made introductions. A fresh start.
Although one thing stayed the same.
Without fail each year I deposit my children will their new teachers, smile cheerily as I see old friends, and then make my way to the car so I can sob for a good five minutes.
And then I’m fine. Every year.
For the little travellers the first day signals the beginning, for myself it’s the end. The end of the holidays, which means the end of them all being together as one. The end of me reclaiming my children and having them all to myself. It’s time to hand them back again. It’s time to share.
Years ago, a wise old expat told me that she always felt her children regrouped each time they moved location. I feel the same way about our summer breaks. “There’s a small window of time where they’re friendless and have to rely on each other. A window where your brother becomes your best friend through necessity. When you’re new in town, sometimes a sibling is the only option if you want to kick the ball or play a game of cards”.
For the past 12 weeks the travelers have all slept in the same room. I’ve listened to them tell stories, make cubbies out of blankets and giggle at each others “pull my finger” repertoire. We’ve travelled everywhere together and as the days have passed they’ve become tighter, stronger, there are now more stories, more memories. Today they returned to friends, schedules and parties. Their own lives.
Last night I listened to the boys marvel over how enormous their beds are “these are so much better than the bunks at the beach house” said one “yeah, but we don’t have the girls in our room anymore” said the other with a sigh. They had obviously both forgotten the “no girls allowed” sign that was made last year.
I came downstairs this morning to find the first little traveler had sorted through the school supplies and was making up bags for everyone to take. The second little traveler was speaking to the fourth about being in the lower elementary by himself “I’ll come and see you at lunch if you like”. “He’ll be fine” said the second, “but I’ll come too if you want” and then he remembered”but I won’t be able to stay because I’ll be with my friends.”
“We all will” said the second.
As we made our way in through the double doors of the school, the first traveller gave us a wave and disappeared. I walked into the classroom with the fourth, one solitary tear rolled down his cheek “don’t go” he said, “I’ll come back in ten minutes and check on you” I knew I had to keep walking, if not, he’d be being home schooled for the rest of the year. I walked with the third, his hand quickly leaving mine the moment he spotted a friend, and then I raced with the second to make it to her class in time, her face beaming as she entered the room of the teacher she’d hoped for all summer.
And then, just like that, I was alone.
I stood in the hallway, just outside the fourth travelers door, watching while he sat on the carpet listening to his new teacher. I watched him giggle with a new friend when she said something funny. He was fine, he didn’t need me. He was surrounded by others his own age, he was right where he was meant to be.
They all were.
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I always felt the same way when school started back up in August – so sad to see them head off and away from me! I loved our long, lazy summer days together and was always loath to give them up. It was even sadder last year when we had to leave son#1 at Uni in the US and fly back to Seoul with a new and smaller family dynamic – very hard on his younger brother. I’m quite envious that you still get to see them all again every afternoon…..
I think it’s so great that they get on well. We are going through a (seemingly extended and painful) stage of sibling ‘upsets’. I tell myself that they are like this because they are younger, and desperately hope that it’s true. In my darker moments I tell myself they will still be fighting over the favourite Richard Scarry book when they are 30 but I won’t be around to hear it.
I love your blog Kirsty and reading this I had a tear too… I am dreading the day my two start school as I will be a mess!! Thanks for sharing your life!
Really well described. My kiddos went back to school this week – so far a great week for them. It was a great summer and I’ll miss all our time together. But I have signed up for some new classes – Ill be taking a painting class and a few others this year for self-growth. Lots to look forward to!
This is just how it is. (And, sorry to have to tell you, it’s even harder when they go to uni!)
I feel exactly the same Kirsty but I’ll be ‘losing’ 2 at once next year when the twins start school so I’ll probably sob a bit longer than my normal 5 minutes. Mel x
PS Sorry to hear about the pesky Diverticulum 🙁
As the Granny I love that they are all settled but miss them so much even thought the holidays are busy for them but we are in the same country.
You are so fortunate to be able to spend 12 weeks with your wonderful family together. Thanks for the picture.
My baby is going to preschool on Tuesday and my oldest will be in first grade. I had a moment of panic when I saw the preschooler’s school supply list–it made it real! He’s always been the toddler, never the schoolboy. Summer is wonderful, but I know they learn so much from the outside world and breaking out on their own. I understand though and will be shedding some tears on Tuesday, I guarantee it!
Wow some schools in doha have started already? We are not back till the 9th…
Oops, I may have shed a tear when I read this as well!
While I’m in a similar position as MsCaroline (one in high school and one now back in the US for university), I’m right there with you on this. I’ve made it a point never to live through my children, but as a parent you do support and protect them, each year less and less as they grow and mature. Haven’t done the morning school run in years as they’ve taken the bus, but there’s still that tug at your heart when they breezily toss off a wave and are gone. It didn’t stop me from taking a ‘first day back to school’ photo of Daughter; when I looked through the viewfinder, it was as if she were a very little girl all over again. Sigh…it all happens too quickly, don’t you think?
This post is both sad and sweet, reminds me of an old saying; “to hold them you have to let them go”.
What a lovely post – it gave me goosebumps and made me quite teary. I have a few years to go before all three of my little ones are at school. I have no doubt that I will be crying in the car for at least five minutes as well. This is the first of your posts I have read, but it sounds like you have a lovely little crew. I look forward to reading more…