I Hate Everyone’s Guts Right Now

I pretty much hate everyone’s guts right now.

I think I did a reasonably good job of disguising this fact for most of the weekend, well, apart from a small but public confrontation I had at baseball – don’t ask, it makes me shudder every time I think about it. Awful.

I know why I hate everyone’s guts. It’s happened before and it will happen again. The end of a holiday, the return to the mundane, the tightening of finances, and the practicalities of the shopping list and the meal plan. The deadlines, technology problems and work calls that need to be made. It’s all a part of every day life. It’s not even a hard life. It’s an easy life. Which is probably why it makes it even more depressing. I’m pathetic to be this miserable.

It was my mother in law, an expat in the 70’s who told me about locking herself away for a couple of days after arriving back to her expat destination. “Sometimes you just need a couple of days…”

Last year I wrote a post with tips. I did them all, got myself back into the groove, remembered how lucky I was. See? Simple. What re-entry blues?

This year I looked in the mirror

“Get on with it” I said

“Go f*ck yourself” I replied

It was my friend Fiona who first mentioned her geographical schizophrenia. I’ve listened and watched for almost twenty years as she’s gone between Scotland and Australia, pining for one while living in the other. Currently the grass is so much greener on the moor, if she was in Scotland she’d be working more, doing more, closer to, it would all just be different. Her husband shakes his head, baffled by her inability to just choose a final destination.

I remind myself of the obvious attractions. My children are really happy here in Qatar, they love their sports, their school, their friends. G is happy at work, the scope and size of what he does here is impossible to replicate in Australia. And me, what do I love about being here? At this very point in time I appear to have forgotten. I will remember, possibly today after I exercise and finish some work. Maybe after I send out some invoices, and grab a coffee with a friend.

I will remember, but in the meantime, I hate everyone’s guts.

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