I didn’t know Gwendoline Gleeson. I don’t know if people called her Gwen or maybe Gwenny. I know she was a mother but I don’t know how many children she had. I don’t know if she worked outside of the home, volunteered or cooked a mean lamb roast. All I know is that she was an 89 year old lady, living in a nursing home. An 89 year old lady who was strapped to a toilet and then left for two hours. Forgotten.
She died.
Yesterday I went to see my GP. For various reasons, I had had a series of blood tests last week and I was going back in for the results. It turns out I’m fine, but I’m showing some signs of age. I was saying how unfit I was after breaking my ankle and my GP replied “yes, and some of it is probably your age, you’re just getting older”. I forced a smile, reminded myself that she too was my age and decided it was time for glass of wine.
If you’ve been lucky enough to escape a serious illness, ageing in your twenties can mean a slower recovery from a hangover or perhaps a need for the occasional early night. In your thirties you might end up needing an arthroscopy, moles removed, or if you’re unlucky you might do your back in.
In your forties, things start to get a bit more serious. People begin to suggest you get your cholesterol checked, you notice your teeth don’t look the same and then one day you realize your ears are still growing but your head’s not. Why is that?
My girlfriend commented the other day that her husband had a stray hair growing out of his nose, not the inside, the outside. Right in the middle of his nose. “I think you might be sleeping with an old man” another girlfriend joked. Everyone laughed but the truth was, if he was an old man, we were all old women.
I think most of us don’t want to get old, not just because we gain a sense of our own mortality but we can see what’s in our future. We’re an ageing population, we see the decline of the human body and mind all around us. Walking frames, meals on wheels and incontinence pads are not sexy.
Nobody wants to be reminded that one day we may find ourselves in the same position as Gwendoline Gleeson, completely dependent on the kindness of others. We don’t want to be reminded that we won’t only lose the ability to do certain things, but we may also lose our dignity in the process. Or perhaps, like in Gwendoline’s case, we’ll have our dignity stolen. How do you want to die? How do you want to be remembered? I imagine it’s not strapped to a toilet.
Gwendoline Gleeson, died of a heart attack last August. If that was all there was to the story, it wouldn’t have become a news item. I wouldn’t know her name.
I know her name because she was strapped to a toilet and left, she had a heart attack and then died. She was found on the next nursing shift, two hours later. The nursing home that she was living in, had a total of 30 beds. It doesn’t sound very big does it? Thirty beds.
I didn’t know Gwendoline Gleeson but I hope it’s a long time before her story is forgotten. She should never be forgotten again.
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What a sad story. For much of our youth we want to live forever, or at least as long as we possibly can. But the older I get the more stories like this mean. If living till a ripe old age means being reliant on others for simple tasks like getting off the toilet, do we really want to live so long? I don’t think I do.
I agree Heather. Such a sad story. Kxx
So sad, and so very, very wrong.
I agree.
The ideal death, in old age, is to be well one day, living at home, then die suddenly. With others who know us noticing …. It is awful to see the aging process which cause irreparable damage strip folk of their independence & their will.
It shows us that we have our vulnerabilities … The “there but for the grace of God go I” health roulette based on genetics, life & career choices, income and planning for retirement etc.
Terrible in a home of 30 people a lady dies unnoticed.
30 kids in a class with one teacher… You’d notice one missing 🙂
My concern as I age 20 years ahead of you, Kirsty, is the loss of dignity and independence.
A very thoughtful post.
PS. Annual check up in Australia ..great idea!
PPS. When doctors themselves can’t think of any specific reason for what ails you they answer 1. It’s a virus. 2. It’s your age.
They did Uni for 8 years to say that!!!
Beautifully written, but oh so sad.
It’s funny how age catches up with us. For what feels like the first time, I looking in the mirror and seeing a almost 40 yo woman looking back at me. Who the hell is that?
My mum is visiting and we have been spending a lot of time talking about my nan. She is driving her children crazy (they love her dearly of course) but at heart what I am seeing is a woman really afraid, hating being old, lonely, probably depressed. I don’t think we do old age well in our culture. We are all so fixated on the wonders of youth that we are prone to turn away.
Terribly sad but beautiful post. xx
Beautifully written…moving piece.
Thank you for writing about my nan. She did cook a mean roast, she was a strong caring lady,she cared for her own mother until the day she died. She had two sons who adored her 4 grandchildren who loved and respected her and 3 great grand children who were lucky enough to meet her before she died. We will never forget her and I will not rest until I know this wont happen again to all caring people thank you for your kind emotions and comments about the story x
I am 66 and I agree with you wholeheartedly
Hi Julie,
It was such a lovely surprise to see your note.
Thank you so much for writing about your Gran. I was so pleased to hear she had so all those people who loved her AND that she cooked a mean roast 🙂
I couldn’t believe the headlines when I saw your Gran’s story. It is truly unbelievable that something so awful could happen to any of us.
That was written with so much empathy. I hope she is remembered for a long time.