*updated
A few years ago, a girlfriend of mine was coming out of the baby haze of three children in as many years. Over coffee with friends she suggested she was ready to return to the office. Actually, she was ready to return anywhere, as long as it was out of her house and someone was prepared to pay her.
“I just want something part-time, just to dip my toes back in the water, and that extra grocery money would be good.”
I noticed the side eye glance between two other friends in the group.
“What was that about?” I asked my side eyed friend later on.
“Some of us don’t have the luxury of extra grocery money, some of us have to go back to work – you know, to eat and pay the mortgage?!”
In the expat world the notion of grocery money comes in a more sinister form.
When your career is transient and work permits or visas come before job offers and employment contracts, more often than not it’s women who find themselves and their careers as the after thought. And when I say after I mean after the children have places in school, after you’ve found a house, and after every day life doesn’t feel like a game of Survivor. Yes, there are plenty of men who travel with their partner’s career, but sadly they’re still in the minority.
I’ve noticed a theme when asking an expat mother for a quick resume breakdown. It’s likely you’ll receive geographical markings with each pregnancy or birth.
“I was a banker in London when I fell pregnant with our first, the job opportunity for my husband came up here and it made financial sense – that was two babies and three years ago” said a friend.
“We were both working for the same oil company in Norway when we met, but we moved here for his job, I figured it would be easy to find something once I got here.” said another.
“I worked in a market in the States that just doesn’t exist here, and no-one would ever pay me as much” said a girlfriend over the phone.
“Why?” I knew the answer, but I wanted to double check.
“When I go for the interview they know I’m already here on my husband’s visa, they know that my choices are limited and I need the job. Often they’ll actually say out loud that they want a travelling spouse, that they’re not offering housing, school fees or sponsorship, and the salary isn’t as strong.”
“Do they offer those things to other people in the office?”
“Of course they do – they’re just taking advantage of the talent pool on the ground.”
I sat outside late yesterday afternoon with a girlfriend, she’d just finished a rather harrowing day at work, a day which required a strong cup of coffee at its end.
We talked of the conference I went to over the weekend. Of how dodgy the industry can be because PR companies won’t openly discuss how they calculate payment to Bloggers. Often there’s no fee per word, or algorithm based on stats. Things are progressing but there’s a long way to go.
Every day I am asked to work for free. Every day a national PR company comes to me often representing a huge international brand, asking for access to the audience of this page. Although we don’t have a budget we’d be happy to send you an xyz to review.
“I know that it makes good business sense for them to offer as little as possible, but it just feels shady. I can’t help but feel I’m being manipulated.”
My girlfriend offered an opinion. “I think it’s probably because they think of bloggers as mothers at home, just trying to earn a bit of extra cash”.
And there it was again. Grocery money.
With over 15 years of recruiting experience I know how this works. I’ve written the job descriptions while clients have given me their “ideal candidate”.
“This would be a nice one for a Mum” a suit will say with a wink.
“If there was an expat wife out there with the right skills, this would be perfect”.
What this usually translates to is this is a job that pays less, offers no chance of promotion, and requires exceptional analytical skills.
I realized that I’d helped perpetuate this problem. I thought of all the times I’d sat with friends while we talked about returning to the workforce or starting a business. How many fantastically entrepreneurial girlfriends had I watched set up thriving businesses only to describe it as “something I do on the side” or “something to keep me busy.” We were our own worst enemy.
It’s not extra money. It’s not every little bit helps. It’s not my way of contributing.
It’s my income, my salary, my market value.
Don’t devalue yourself.
It’s not grocery money.
Sign up for the best bits here
Sign up for the best bits from our community of forty thousands expats. Every Saturday morning we’ll shoot you the five hottest topics from the world of expat.
Love it! I see this all the time in my work with women in business. There are so few that are serious about this as their career. For most it’s “just a hobby”, “just a bit of extra money”, “just something I play around with”. And so few are prepared to invest in themselves because of this attitude.
I don’t just see it. I also live that reality. Great piece.
Well put, when I first went overseas I was single and horrified that I was working with very talented and capable women, and sometimes men, who were getting paid less just because they were travelling with their spouses. Sometimes they were even working at the same place and for the same employer as them and the jobs were negotiated at a joint interview! It would never be allowed back home but seemed the norm in expat teaching… I can’t imagine what a joint interview would be like? The employers actively sought out teaching couples as they were cheaper to hire! I hate to say it but at times it would be the case of even hiring a borderline incompetent just because they came with a talented spouse and would be cheap! Expat employment is a minefield!
You’re right, it is a minefield.
People always tell me that I am “flexible ” which means they can turn the work on and off Hell I am if I commit i expect them to because I am a PROFESSIONAL and not just an expat wife with nothing else to do !
Oh I know this feeling. A couple of years ago I was “graciously” offered the opportunity to work for free just to keep my CV ticking over. No sorry – not for free. It would have cost ME professional fees for registration, compulsory CPD, travel expenses, etc etc.
Oh can I, can I?
Another complaint of mine (here) is that few here think you’re of any value whatsoever unless you work full time plus overtime. Like you can’t actually get anything at all done unless you’re getting it done for 50 hours or more a week. Ridiculous.
Once again you hit the nail on the head! I think this is one of the biggest issues that global mobility departments are facing at the moment. More and more assignments are being turned down a) because expat packages are getting tighter and couples need to maintain both careers to have a decent standard of living and b) because fewer and fewer spouses are willing to make the career and salary sacrifice (no one wants “grocery money” as you so eloquently point out. I understand the challenges that companies have in hiring expat partners/spouses – they may well move at the drop of a hat and will have no control over it, they often want/need additional flexibility because they struggle to get the right support system in place. In my view though, companies are being incredibly short sighted. The expat partner community represents an amazing pool of talent that they can access – if only they could be a bit more creative, think outside the box and offer more than grocery money!!!
Yep, but isn’t that something women do all the time? It’s what Sheryl Sandberg refers to all the time when she talks about women needing to “lean in”. You have to do what seems to come naturally to most blokes, & “talk up” what you do, push your cause rather than minimising it.
Love this; it’s so true. Most of the revenue earning opportunities related to my blog have dried up since we’ve been living in Russia (my location either makes it impossible to review products, or makes pr agencies think my point of view is irrelevant), but I hope to ramp it up again when we return to the UK. And I won’t be calling that ‘grocery money’…