A Very Small Lady Went To The Doctor…


It must have been over 25 years ago when my girlfriend Krissy told me the joke. It was about a small woman, shorter than most, who had to visit a doctor. Her ailment? Every time she walked she had an orgasm. I can still picture Krissy’s face, she kept giggling, having to start again. I think we must have been about 17.

Through smiles and cheeky grins the tale was told. A really small woman, orgasms, every time she walked anywhere. More giggles.

The doctor asked her to hop up on his examination table (the little woman) so that he could have a closer look. As he removed instruments from his hospital bag, she lay with her knees splayed. Using his head torch for a better view, he announced he could see the problem.

“I think I can help you!” We were both giggling now, school girl giggles.

The doctor then held up a pair of scissors and proceeded to snip snip snip and snip snip snip. He stood back, admired his work.

“Stand up and take a walk for me?”

It was a miracle, she was fixed, and somehow the doctor had made the procedure pain free?

“What did you do?” The little woman asked in dismay.

“I trimmed the top of your ugg boots”

I’ve told that joke so many times. Every time I hear someone talking about their ugg boots I think of Krissy and I giggling all those years ago.

I was meant to make a drive to the country to catch up with my mother yesterday. A goodbye before we leave Australia to head back to Qatar. We had to cancel – between her dodgy knee, Henry Hotdog’s surprise appearance of hand foot and mouth, and the third little travellers mild temperature, we decided the farewell gods were trying to tell us something.

A text from my girlfriend Penny arrived, maybe she could drive down with Krissy? They could come for lunch. And when G reminded me the Star of Greece was open on a Wednesday there was a buzz in the air. I can promise you if we had planned that lunch six weeks in advance we would have had to change it three times. With 8 children’s ridiculously busy lives between us, part-time work, study, houses and the fact that I’m only here a few months a year – our sneaky lunches are few and far between.

Our friendship is lifelong, it spans first cars, first apartments, cheap wine, dodgy boyfriends, new jobs, overseas trips, bridesmaid dresses, first pregnancies, lost babies, christenings, tears, giggles, despair and a certain look. A look that only a girlfriend who’s been your girlfriend for years can give. A look of someone who is truly listening, thinking, wanting the best for you.

Over lunch it was the usual stuff: kids, partners, sex, work, old friends. There was much discussion over which food to choose and a split second over which wine, a Shaw and Smith, Savignon Blanc. Always a winner. I can’t remember if it was Penny or I that made Krissy snort out loud but in that minute we were all 17 again. School girl giggles.

If there is anything I wish my little travellers it is this. That look, the comfort, the giggles. The excitement of an impromptu lunch, a selfie by the beach. And an old trusty joke about a little woman and a long pair of ugg boots.

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  1. I used to worry that our girls wouldn’t have that, with all our moves. But as I’ve always told them, we keep in touch with the people that matter. And, much to my joy, they have. Our younger daughter (21) is in London for a work experience internship this summer and she has managed to catch up with and spend time with, yet again, one of her best friends from third grade through 8th grade. So much laughter and reminiscing! Glad you had a chance to catch up with your mates, Kirsty. Nothing more important! We keep in touch with the people that matter.

  2. Martine Oglethorpe says

    Now that I have met you I can absolutely picture you giggling about this. And I am thrilled that I have had the pleasure of creating lots of laughs with you this weekend x

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