The Possibility of Pregnancy

It began back in January, on the way back to Qatar. The first and second traveller had control over their movie choices on the plane. I was sitting too far away to notice that Pitch Perfect was playing through their headphones and filling up their screens. That was the beginning of the cups. By the following week they were practicing constantly. Flipping, clapping, clicking.

When I’m gone, when I’m gone. You’re gunna miss me when I’m gone.

::

The fourth little traveller was plotting with a friend. Their voices were hushed but I knew what was coming. They were trying to organize a sleepover.

“Can we have a sleepover tonight?” Their two little faces looked up at me like puppies scratching at the back door. Tails were wagging. It was 9.00 a.m. Nothing like a bit of forward planning.

“Sure, whose house?” The fourth traveller is yet to sleep away from home (without us) so I was interested to hear the answer.

“We’ll do it here, cause I don’t want to sleep at anyone else’s house until I’m about thirty.”

When I’m gone, when I’m gone. You’re gunna miss me when I’m gone.

::

I met a friend’s parents this morning. They’ve been visiting for a few weeks.

“Have you enjoyed your stay?” I asked before thinking of the obvious. “I guess it’s all about the grandchildren.”

They both smiled.

“It’s just nice to be able to hold them. Just to touch them. I go home in a few days.”

When I’m gone, when I’m gone. You’re gunna miss me when I’m gone.

::

The second little traveller has three birthday party invitations that need an RSVP. “You haven’t done this yet. You need to do this today” she says while pushing the invitations into my already full hands. “And we need band-aids, you need to add band-aids to the shopping list.”

I hand her the pen so she can go and add it herself, and begin to hum to myself.

When I’m gone, when I’m gone. You’re gunna miss me when I’m gone.

She smiles.

::

G and I caught up with friends who are weeks away from having their third baby. He is genuinely excited about baby number three and she looks truly radiant. I know people say that about pregnant people, but she really does. I love the emotion that comes with pregnancy. The anticipation, the excitement, the slight trepidation. New life brings new rhythms, new hope. It changes everything. Two little boys will soon have a sister, they will possibly never remember what life was like without her.

I’m not sure if there is anything else in the world that brings the same emotion as a new baby. Ultrasounds, maternity ward tours and last visits to the doctor before the big day. Even when you know what’s coming it’s all still one big delicious surprise. The possibility of pregnancy.

When I’m gone, when I’m gone. You’re gunna miss me when I’m gone.

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