Kirsty, you’re a douche bag.

She’s right. It was naughty to call Adelaide the City of Churches and serial killers. Officially yes, it is the City of Churches but the serial killer thing? They haven’t made that official yet.

My post earlier this week on why I could understand Melissa George not wanting to rehash her past, provided a few blogging lessons.

  1. Be very clear about what it is you’re actually trying to say, otherwise get ready to spend the next day explaining what you really meant.
  2. If you reference Melissa George in your message, you may be mistaken as the new president of the Melissa George fan club. This could be awkward if (apart from The Slap) you’ve never seen any of her work.
  3. Honest feedback is really good. It makes you tough, and it makes you learn what to do next time.
  4. Mindless name calling is weak and lacks validity, but it can still sting. No-one wants to be called a douche bag.

Over the past two days I’ve been told I should see a therapist, that I seek validation through my dry cleaner, and that I need to get over myself.

All of this from a post that was meant to be about running into people after not seeing them for years, and feeling the need to fill in the gaps. I know I didn’t write the post well, but I’m guessing that sympathizing with Melissa George is where I really went wrong (according to the same commenter, she’s a douche bag as well).

I’ve had time over the last few days to ask myself a few questions about why I do things. Why do I need to fill in the gaps? Why do I strike up conversations with the girl at the bakery, the guy at the petrol station and the women next to me in the supermarket? And then there’s the big questions. Why do I need to make a cup of tea to justify the two mint slices I’m about to eat?

Back to the original question though. Why can’t I run into someone without needing to do a quick rehash of the past twenty years?

Yesterday my mother bought a few items from a shopping centre in the city (the city of churches and serial killers). When she came home she told me about the woman behind the cash register, she was apparently very nice, she has paid forty thousand dollars for the foundation of her new house. Who knew that’s how much the foundation of a house cost these days? The woman needs a bigger house because she has three children and it looks like they’ll be home for awhile. One child has autism, one has other special needs, and one may be going to London but it looks like her mother in law may be moving in….I could go on.

Why do I need to fill in the gaps?

It’s hereditary.

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  1. I totally got the message in your “Melissa George” post, and now I’m wondering if these conversations are only had if you have moved away from the area where you grew up? Everytime I head back to the town of my youth – a town of coal, wine and drugs 😉 – I will run into at least one person to whom I will summarise what I’ve been up to since 1993.

    I am loving the posts you’re writing while recovering. x

  2. Wow! Who knew poeple could be so rude! I liked your post (didn’t necessarily agree but who cares) we’re not curing cancer and neither is Melissa George.

    I enjoy reading your stuff and isn’t nice we’re all different – otherwise what a boring place it would be…. and I think travelling the world with 4 people is pretty darn amarsing so good for you and good for you for filling in the gaps. I like my people 3D and not mono-dimensional – zzzzzz!

  3. Good lord woman, some people need to take a serious chill pill. (Okay, my daughter would roll her eyes at that oldism, but REALLY.) People need to calm down, take a deep breath and GET OVER IT. When I read the original post, I neither believed that Adelaide is likely to be a city of serial killers any more than I had a clue who Melissa George is. Just because I didn’t know the latter doesn’t make me anti-OZ, either. Seems Sarah (in Adelaide) took it the wrong way and needed to vent. Wonder how that online hissy fit over NOTHING is working out for her. Lots of people like to chat with people they encounter, it’s called making a connection, and it comes easier to some than to others. So what? I never felt that you were saying ‘I left the continent, traveled the world, had 4 kids and thus I’m better than you.’ And if a certain someone did (as evidenced by her last sentence in her tweet), it reflects far more on her than on you. Seriously people, move on!

  4. You do know SA has the highest unsolved homicide rate in Australia?

    Just saying.

  5. I actually think Melissa George is a fantastic actress and I didn’t know she was Australian until you blogged about it, I only noticed her in Grey’s Anatomy about 3 or 4 years ago. (I’m a little too young and a little too New Zealander to have seen her in Home and Away.)
    If Adelaide is your city, your hometown, your whatever then you have the right to call it what you think it deserves, people online just think that because they are hiding behind their keyboards and monitors that they can say anything they like and it won’t affect the people they are criticising, and they are wrong.

  6. Sensitive much Sarah?

    Aahhh only in the city of church going serial killers …

  7. I’m just leaving kisses today here you go xxxxxxx

  8. Only someone who has not moved around the world or had four children would belittle those achievements! Keep getting better Kirsty and thanks for your witty and thoughtful writing.

  9. Jeez Louise. It’s like they say: you can please some of the the people some of the time, but you can’t please ALL of the people ALL of the time.

    WE knew what you meant, Kirsty. You don’t need to fill in the gaps with US. xxxx

  10. Kirsty – sigh – what you wrote on Mamamia was perfectly pleasant, light-hearted and correct. Not sure why people are so very swift to misinterpret and take offence! You expressed yourself perfectly clearly and did not sound like a douchebag…(I shudder so at that particular expression, could hardly bring myself to write it…)
    Cheers (SUPPORTIVE) cheers from Marguerite (Hoabrt)

  11. I mean HOBART…

  12. Sorry you got skewered. I don’t think I’ve ever read an article on Mamamia where there hasn’t been a huge catfight in the comments. You’re in good company, at least. x

  13. I am a serial gap filler (better than a serial killer I guess) people who like stories are usually bloggers and I think when we exist in this world we forget that other people arent like us – they dont see the point in the storytelling and the conversation. Dont change being you because other people have no manners (I stopped writing for MM last year after I got called a crap researcher for some stats I used that were LEGIT I made my husband make up a name and reply to the people saying awful things to defend my honour…it was a low point in my writing career).

  14. I am with Marguerite. SIGH.

    I thought your piece was lovely and light-hearted and a bit of a unique take on the whole MG ‘situation’.

  15. You have handled yourself impeccably Kirsty, I just don’t think many people realise tone or are willing to think about the actual person sitting behind the computer. I have no idea how journalists cope with some of the abuse they are served up in online commentary.

    Just keep filling in the gaps, you do it well x

  16. Oh Dear – hope you have managed to retain your sense of humour. Nobody (apart from one) thought you were seriously denegrating Adelaide. It is your city you can poke fun at it if you like. By the way I googled “Australian City with most Serial Killers” and looked what was first on the list Adelaide, “City of Corpses” — — Adelaide — Australia’s City of …, lol.

  17. Out of all the douchbags I know, you are by far my favourite. KEEP ON DOUCHING KRISYY! xxxxxxx

  18. Oh, pooh to the haters! Therapy?! Gee whiz, I agree with Linda, go and take a bloody chill pill. And we can have a mint slice, or bikkies, or muffin with raspberries and cream with our cuppa if we like(and damn well enjoy it too)

  19. If only people knew just how much we love to touchdown in our Cities of Churches and Serial Killers – speaking of killers, I would kill for a mint slice or a tim tam right now. S x

  20. I love your writing! I agree with another comment that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. I had never before heard of Melissa George, but can relate to feeling the need to fill in gaps. When you have had so many incredible and significant life changes, it’s doing yourself a disservice to just sweep them under the rug! – K in Doha

  21. What’s that 200 comments so far thing on the top?

  22. They’re talking about you (200 comments so far!), so it can’t be all bad. 😉

  23. I enjoyed your MG story on MM. I’m sorry you got so much negative feedback. I think a lot of people need to listen to their mothers and “don’t say anything if you haven’t got anything nice to say”. It’s easy to hide behind a computer and write comments filled with hate if you don’t actually put your real name (or photo) to them…

  24. You don’t need to fill in the gaps if you don’t want to. And if other people don’t like that – hey ho, that’s their problem, not yours.

  25. I don’t have a blog, but enjoy reading yours very much. Sometimes people really don’t have a sense of humour, please keep up the writing on all and many subjects which, I think, the majority of readers find witty, amusing, tongue-in-cheek etc.etc. Get well soon. Un’abbraccio Ro
    (am not anonymous but am also technically challenged!)

  26. If we didn’t laugh, we’d go mental. I do think sarahinadelaide could do with some laughter in her life, she’s clearly mental.

  27. Perspective … I once commented that perusing strangers FB photos made me feel good in comparison and got slammed and unfollowed. Had to write a post pointing out that surely its a sign of my insecurities that I need to look at the weight challenged and those hit by the ugly stick to feel better about myself .. and got blasted again 😉
    Hang in there … I love you, foot in mouth and all xxx

  28. LIGHT BULB moment – I never knew others out there justified the cuppa and biscuit thing, I thought that was just me. Kirsty your humour is up there with Shaun Micallef and Fiona O’Loughlin as far as I’m concerned – don’t start changing your writing for the small few. Write for the masses that laugh so hard it hurts. Love ya work girlfriend. Cheers SM

  29. I wish blogger had a like button for some comments /\/\/\/\
    Anyway, some people have nothing better to do and miss negativity was probably sorely PMTing! I love your blog. It’s a breath of fresh air to read it – especially when am having a downer day in Libya! Keep it up we love u as you are 😉

    Btw Limerick is known to us Irish gals as “stab city” 😉

  30. Ps I am also a chronic cuppa and biscuit person! And can never stop at just two bickies

  31. Hey Kirsty,
    I love your writing and agree with your post on MG. I have also wondered where some people get off writing the nasty stuff they do. If you don’t like it no one is forcing you to read it!! Get over yourself Sarah ;(

  32. I remember being so excited the first time Mamamia re-published one of my posts. I clicked in to check out the comments and was totally gob smacked. The post which was about how my husband and I were too tired for sex had been so well received on my blog but on MM commentors said things like ‘your husband is having an affair’ or ‘you husband should see a prostitute’ and ‘you need to change your image’. It was horrible. I was able to laugh it off in the end though and to be honest it hasn’t put me off submitting more posts – next time I just wont read the comments!

  33. Hey Kirsty, if it wasn’t for Melissa Georges dummy spit, I would never have found your blog page. I love your blogs – even though I didn’t really agree with you on the MG issue. I am definitely in the MG behaved like a spoilt, narcissistic snob corner.
    Just this weekend I went to a wedding in a regional town that I lived in for a few years many moons back. Of course I met up with a lot of old friends and acquaintances and while some of the conversations included talking about what I have done since I left, most of the chat was about my time living their – including a few recollections I would have preferred not to talk about! But that is human nature and to a certain degree we can’t ever expect to totally escape our past – we just need to learn how to deal with it when people bring things up including the embarrassing bits! And trying to avoid talking about your past would be even tougher when it is recorded on film for all eternity!
    Anyway I still plan to watch MG’s new show Hunted when it starts on SBS in a few days – even though it has just been cancelled. (She really did have a bad week!) So I haven’t given up on her and am definitely a new fan of yours! keep up the great work!

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