I could hear G wandering around, I didn’t open my eyes, I didn’t need to, I could follow his movements with my ears. Cupboard opening (jocks and socks) cupboard closed. Electric toothbrush on, tap running. Cupboard opening again (dental floss) cupboard closed. Cupboard opening, a suit came off the hanger, a shirt, a tie. Cupboard closed. A belt was fastened. I finally opened one eye to see him fully dressed with shoes in his hand.
“What time is it?”
“Just before six – I have a meeting that I’m not ready for, I need to go in early. I’ve made smoothies.”
The third little traveler passed his father in the doorway.
“Hey Dad”
“G’day mate! Have a great day today.”
And he was gone.
“Hey Mum” I wipe away the little tiny pieces of sleep dust in his eyes.
“Hey”
As he snuggles in to bed with me he looks over my shoulder towards the remote, he’s hoping for morning TV “Where did Dad go?”
“He’s gone to audition for the X Factor”
We both giggle.
“He’s gone to work, right?” He’s pretty sure I’m joking about the X Factor thing but he just wants to make sure.
The remote is pointed towards the television, we are instantly joined by a bunch of leopards killing a small grey furry animal that neither of us can identify. It’s loud, too loud.
“Can you turn it down?”
He can’t get the buttons to work. The noise continues.
I turn on my computer and read the news that I have not been chosen as a finalist for an Australian Blog competition. It confirms my suspicions that I should not be writing. I am clearly crap at it.
Sudden movement catches my eye through the door frame, I see a silhouette, I know it will be the second little traveler. The other two, the two who share my morning disposition are fast asleep. I want to wallow in self pity, I wince at the idea of waking them, having the same conversation.
“Come and help me wake your sister and brother?”
“No way. Do I look like I have a death wish?” says the third traveler.
I need smiles and optimism for this to work, I smile as I walk into the room. The first body is easily moved. “Can I carry you?” I offer. I take him into the next room and begin the next round of negotiations. We begin with a flat no and work from there. I remind her that it’s Thursday, that the week is nearly done and then I remember I have a wild card. There is testing today at school, it cannot be missed.
A foot emerges from the quilt like a white flag in a battlefield.
Downstairs, they all hover around me as I pour the smoothie and then gasp as the lid flies off of the top of the blender. Thick strawberry smoothie juice flows over the kitchen bench and makes its way like lava over the kitchen cupboards.
“What’d you do that for?” asks the fourth little traveler.
I take a deep breath.
I know that G has done this on purpose. It is clearly his fault and he has ruined my life. This smoothie is ruining my life. It is this smoothies fault that my book is unfinished and I have not been nominated for the bloggers competition. I hate this smoothie. This smoothie is making me feel worthless, useless, a complete failure.
Two travelers begin a disagreement. One is reaching across the table with his hand saying “I bet you can’t hit me” and then cries when she proves him wrong.
My teeth clench and my jaw aches while I mop up the smoothie, I shut out the sounds of “he asked me to” and “did too”.
I open the refrigerator door. There is no cheese for sandwiches. The absent cheese is ruining my life. I hate the absent cheese. As glance towards the clock, I begin the routine.
“Don’t forget you have PE today.”
“What time is your concert.”
“I thought you were finishing at 4? Are you sure you’re not finishing at 4.”
“Does that book need to go back to school today.”
“Where are your shoes? This is the third time, do not make me ask again.”
“Five more minutes.”
“I’m leaving in two minutes.”
I think about how I could just put them on a bus. I could go back to the office. Forget the writing, forget the book. I want a bonus. A pat on the back. A business trip that involves sleeping in a hotel room on my own. If I go back to the office I’ll buy my own smoothies. I’ll go to breakfast meetings. I’ll walk out in the morning, “have a great day!”
I wipe the last remnants of the smoothie from the cabinets. The smoothie that ruined my life is gone. It turns out that no-one wanted cheese in their lunch. Someone wants me to come to a concert this afternoon, and I think I can. I remember when I couldn’t go to the concert. When I was away. When I missed the rehearsal and a friend had to take photos for me. I’m not ready to go back there yet.
And I’m freaking lucky I have the choice.
Wallowing over.
✕
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Don’t give up the writing – you have a wonderful way, and your posts have helped me out of many a pity party!
Could have been worse, could have been pea soup in a pressure cooker….
hahahaha! so so true! xx
I didn’t get nominated either. But if you were like me and in the Personal/Lifestyle category … they DID have to narrow it down to like 6 from 400 odd blogs! I was disappointed not to be a finalist, but then I realised tonnes of super awesome people missed out too 🙂
I hate those days. I have them a lot. Now you’ve written about it I hope you feel a lot better. Now about that finalist stuff. I didn’t get one either. So did a lot of other people. We can all suck together. or maybe we can just think of these people: http://www.bubblecow.net/11-famous-writers-who-were-rejected-before-making-it-big
LOVE YOU XX
I did feel better once I’d written this, but I felt EVEN better when I read your comment. Thank you xxx
I too am lucky to have that choice and need reminding of it at times!
And you are a great writer…I’ve only recently discovered your blog and stayed up way too late reading past posts when I stumbled across it, like a good book you can’t put down! Laughing and crying and feeling relieved that there was a beagle out there who ate more than mine 🙂
This week she’s on the yoghurt drinks. I’ve found about 5 empty bottle outside (hidden behind the outdoor furniture). I feel there should be a beagle support group. Thank you for the lovely comment. xx
I don’t blog purely so I don’t have to worry about being a finalist. Actually, it’s because I’m lazy- but I get this. Writing is a tough and very public gig, and I certainly have plenty of those “I would be achieving more behind the deli counter at Coles” moments. That said, they don’t give you time off from the deli counter to go to sports day- the kabana isn’t going to slice itself, you know. Hang in there. You’re fabulous. xxxx
Don’t stop writing, your blogs are addictive. I’ve just read the fastest selling book of the year: E L James, Fifty shades of Grey trilogy in ten days (was suppose to be studying gothic churches for my degree). Your writing is equally as addictive as hers but without the S&M 😉
Although…
Off to download Fifty Shades of Grey. Thank you xx
I can totally relate to this. I often think about all the good things I enjoyed about working and the joy I’d have if I didn’t have to deal with the everyday minutiae of spilt smoothies but if I’m honest with myself I’m very grateful for being able to stay home with the kids and I wouldn’t want to miss the good stuff that goes along with that. Have to take the good with the bad I guess. I don’t know anything about how blogs are judged for the purpose of these awards but you’re obviously a brilliant writer and I enjoy every single one of your posts 😀
Oh please, don’t stop writing! I love your blog. You have a beautiful way of looking at the world.
I didn’t make the lists of finalists but I wasn’t expecting to – I’m not in the big leagues by any stretch of the imagination. I’m a very teeny tiny fish in the massive blogging ocean. 🙂
I’m glad you were able to find the clarity of thought in that smoothie mess moment. Sometimes the answer can be right in front of your face.
xx
It’s very easy to feel like a tiny fish in a massive blog ocean. I often feel l like I have no idea what I’m doing or if I’m doing it properly! Thank you for being so lovely. xxx
Yes, I have days like this too, where I have to remind myself I am so, so lucky to be able to stay at home with my kids.
This week I am considering closing my blog down as I get such little traffic, it seems hardly worth the effort, I feel like I am talking to myself. But I guess my blog is more about what I create, so maybe I will just post photos of my creations, and stop blabbering on.
Keep writing, I love reading your blog.
Don’t shut your blog down – I think you’re absolutely right, it should be all about what you create and a recording of your life. I began this blog as a way of communicating our move to Doha and it then evolved into something else. I didn’t start it to win a competition (I had no idea there were competitions). I think I got a bit swept up in where I fitted in to the blogging world but you’ve made me realize that it doesn’t matter where I fit in, I just need to keep working away at what I’m doing. xx
its true what PP says … about how writing is a tough gig. there you are, out there, naked, vulnerable … brave, courageous, helping others, speaking out the truth … making a difference in this world of expat/parenting/woman-ness/motherhood/wife-ness. you rock.
i am having one of those days today … I didn’t miss out on the blog comp. (too freakin scared to even enter 🙂
hubby away for a three week trip, its school holidays, its been raining every SINGLE freakin day and it sucks. and then there is the other part of the story … the one where I get to hang out with the kids, get to fit my kids around my work instead of the other way round, get to spend the evenings alone – staying up too too toooooo late reading blogs and generally indulging myself and my interests cos I don’t have to be the wife and so it goes.
sending you big hugs, love and light. tomorrow is a new day.
sarahxx
Sarah, I don’t think I can adequately write how much your comment meant to me so I will simply say THANK YOU. You really brightened my day. xx
On the one hand, I totally understand how you feel (well, on both hands actually – oh dear, that’s a great start!) I’ve got three small kids, only one at school and I’m trying to make a name for myself in these writing circles. Some days it feels like I spend all my time coaxing (or shouting) for the kids to be quiet or talking to them without meeting their eyes because mine are glued to my laptop screen. Then I feel like a total cow… I look at them and wonder how I can be so stupid. My husband works hard so I can be here with them, enjoying them; and this will only last a finite amount of time. Then I realise that I have everything I need to make me happy already, and my writing will have it’s own time and place. Like you, I’m blogging and working on, ssssssshhhhh, *whispers* “the book”. But hear this Kirsty: award or no, your writing is wonderful and you have more than enough talent to achieve your ambitions. I know what it feels like to have these doubts about your writing – but, hell! If your writing doesn’t have what it takes to move people, I might as well give up right now, cos your’s is the best blog I know.
“I realize that I have everything I need to make me happy already”
I love your words. xx
please don’t give up! I live my life vicariously through you as I won’t have the opportunity to be an expat and am hoping for just 2 kids! (#1is on the way!) I love your work! p.s. how did G go with the audition?? 🙂
hahahaha! that last sentence just made me snort out loud. xx
You can’t give up because there are days when your blog is the only thing that keeps me sane! Keep smiling and keep writing. And I promise to buy your book!
You certainly can’t stop writing. Everyday, as a ritual I am checking your blog to see new entry! You are a Wonderful mom!
Vani
You are a great writer Kirsty. The first blog post I read of your was the tampon story at the zoo, my husband kept asking me why I was laughing out loud. I have kept on reading since then. I probably read about 3-4 books a week (I LOVE reading and speed read) and I am a captive audience to you. To be honest I thought you were a journalist in your previous life.
I have days like that – except mine can still be directed at my hubby “you’re the one that brought us here”…it does happen less and less though as time goes on.
Don’t give up you are a fantastic writer and a fantastic Mum.
It’s posts like this one which make me glad you ARE a writer. Thank you for making the everyday routine come to life through the written word. I can picture every moment.
I’ve just discovered your blog in the last week and have spent most of my afternoons catching up on your past. That sounded a little wrong, I do not harbor stalker tendencies I swear. I too got rejected from the finalists list, but no real surpise there, I have 3 followers I think, very popular you see. I read your post about not commenting on other people’s blogs the other day and thought how I should start commenting rather than just silently following, so here I am. Do not stop writing, you’re witty and a very good story teller. I’m nearing the end stages on writing my first manuscript and I’m lacking serious motivation. It’s nice to know that other people, real people like yourself, also go through the bad days. Thanks so much for sharing
Keep writing! I love reading your blog!
Can relate to this post well. I work school hours and have school hols off, so have a pretty good deal. Yet some days, the daily grind gets to me and I too, have to remember the things I can do and how good I have it.
Love the insight your blog gives to other families lives. Sometimes we get a little serious here, a little caught up in our own cycle of monotony and it’s so nice to read about the way other people live.
Don’t stop Kirsty.I look forward to your posts in my inbox !
I’ve just knocked a vase Husband gave me and I really loved off the sideboard, water and china shards everywhere AND I didn’t get nominated either – but I’m far less deserving than you are on that front – felt like bursting into tears and/or eating large bar of Galaxy I’ve just brought back from UK and then like you reflected how lucky am I – knocked vase over with wrapping paper bought to wrap friend’s present before big celebratory lunch, vase full of flowers bought by husband to say ‘Welcome home’ and best of all he and Drama Queens managed fantastically in my absence with only the dog on the hors d’combat list on my return, so will mop up pools with nailed on smile and keep writing and comfort myself today’s winner of the Vogel spent 9 years writing first book! Hope for us all.
Cx
I’m not sure if it’s good or bad that I am so relieved to hear it took someone 9 years to write their first book. Thank you, thank you, THANKYOU! for telling me that. Everyone else around me appears to churn out books in a mater of 6 – 9 months. xx
Kirsty keep writing!
I lveo your post and send them on to my mother (87) who thinks you are wonderful too!
And of course I mean LOVE not….lveo (it is Friday afternoon…)
If you were privy to my DM conversations you would know that I was upset as you that YOU did not get nominated as a finalist. You are one of the very best. And I know that you will writing. You don’t really have a choice do you? xx
Hi Kirsty, I am de-lurking! I have a ridiculous number of blogs on my Reader which I hardly ever get round to reading. Yours is one of the few that I excitedly open up as soon as I see there’s a new post. I know that your posts are going to be clear, funny, elegant, poignant, neat and ALWAYS a joy to read. (My husband is also a fan after I read him out your first ‘knickers off’ post!) Those judges have just fallen for pretty pictures rather than exquisite writing. Please don’t stop! x
I absolutely love reading your blog so whoever decides who is a finalist in the bloggers comp has no taste whatsoever! I really like how different all of your articles are. Sometimes they make me laugh, other times I cry, other times they teach me things about the worls. They are ALWAYS entertaining. Thanks for brightening my days and please keep it up. Your family sounds beautiful. x
I know that you don’t truly mean you’d give up writing. We all have those days when things don’t go well, you get a bad piece of news (or two) and you just start to wonder ‘why bother??’ You do have a way with words, you do have a terrific blog that people enjoy, you will finish your book when it’s time (I’m right there with you on that one, yes it’s hard). Most importantly, you have a terrific family, friends, career and life.
Oh honey, i had a day like that yesterday, cried all day over a little chicken we were raising who passed away. Kind of happy i’ve never been nominated for any blog awards, saves on disappointment. I never plan to resume work, with 4 children, they get busier, high expectations & more work, not that i really have a choice (education, qualifications yes, husband home to help, no) but i do have a choice & that is very happily full time housewife, i feel extremely lucky too, love Posie
Damn… I voted for you!
No need to get disheartened, it’s not a big deal.
There are 3 blogs I follow that have a huge following.
1 has nearly 8,000 and it is photos of Elegant older New York women with a little background story. Another is full of fluff and life is a dream of pink and name dropping of designer labels. She has over 1500.
Another that I .just lurve has over 5000 followers and its about sewing, recycling ,making storage things and even has a tuesday where she makes something from the hardware shop into a kitchen or sewing room thingy. She has about 5500 peeps. She puts a heap of work into her blog. The other 2 don’t have to because of their content. Keep going and I am looking forward to your next post!!! xo
Sorry I missed reading this one Kirsty, I was probably wallowing over missing an Australian blog competition too. I wonder if it was the same one? But whether it was or wasn’t, I know these feelings oh so very well – the unfinished book, the career that I left to finish the book and blog, the pact I had with myself to make this all work and how disappointed I feel when it just doesn’t seem to be working. Add in the exhaustion of feeling I cannot afford to live on my husband’s income and I feel like a complete failure. I know you will get there Kirsty, I truly believe that, and today I am just strong enough to believe that we will both get there. Much love, Vix x
I love your work. I love your stories. I love that i connect with you as you tell your stories, bad, sad or rad….
I hate competitions.
They raise dividers in friendships and connections where there is no need.
And here’s the thing………with this comp & the kid*spo* one…..WHAT CRITERIA?? no idea.
Your words are gifts to me.
Thanks Kirsty
Mwah! denyse xx
I felt the need to comment, even though this post is now quite old and there’s a chance you may never read it. You write beautifully and candidly and with genuine warmth. For whatever reason you didn’t make the finals in the blog competition, don’t believe for a moment that it was because of your writing. I found your blog this morning and have been happily reading for a couple of blissful stolen hours that I possibly should have used to clean the bathroom and do some laundry 🙂
Ditto what the other commenters have written. Really enjoy your blog.
As I think I’ve said before, those up to your neck in kids times pass very quickly when you look back. Now in my mid 50s with two adult kids who’ve moved out, I can only say that I’m now pining for them – & my youth, which was perhaps wasted on me.
Cheers.
BTW, it’s been good to have been published a little, & sometimes paid for it, but my handwritten journal & my blogs are my constant companions, and def cheaper than therapy. God, I’m full of cliches today.