Is that what you REALLY say?

Has everyone else seen the meme’s making their way around Facebook/Twitter etc? What my friends think I do, what my husband thinks I do, what my mother thinks I do. What my dog thinks I do, what my brother’s girlfriend’s cousin thinks I do.

I have no idea what anyone thinks I do. If a laptop, soccer practice, red wine and pinning a child to the dentist chair have flashed through your mind. You’re very very close.

The “what my friends think I do” came just after the “shit people say videos.” They were funny weren’t they? Well, the first 250 of them were funny but when we got down to “shit people say about the shit people say” I reckon we’d covered just about everything.

Just about.

I don’t know what you say, but here’s some stuff I’ve said:

“Okay, I’m sitting down. They want us to move where? How do you spell that?”

“I’m so glad to hear you’re a qualified obstetrician” Umm, no, that’s not my c-section scar, that’s where I had my appendix removed as a child”

“Honey, the packers have just finished, everything’s packed, the trucks loaded, but we can’t seem to find the keys to the house or the car? – What do you mean you put them in the brown box by the door?”

“The school just rang, they’ve finally got places for all of the children, sorry, what was that – We’re moving where?”

“I got the job! Yep, it’s perfect. I met the team and they’re great, the salary works, it’s close to the school. I found childcare for the children. I can start on Monday, sorry, what was that  – We’re moving where?

“Do you know where I can find tampons or Caneston cream? So how long have you been driving a taxi?”

“We’re just waiting on a school place, in the meantime I’m homeschooling *insert crazy lady laugh here*”

“Does anyone know where the post/telcom/electricity/insurance office is? Someone told me you drive down the street with the big orange building and turn left at the tree that looks like a palm tree but it’s not, then you just make a right at the house with the green door, drive through three roundabouts and turn left at the big pot hole. Does that sound right?”

“It’s a shame the doctor had to cancel his trip here, no need to panic though. You know the dentist thinks he could probably do the vasectomy for you, what do you think? It’s either him or the vet?”

“I feel like I’ve really connected with Susan. It’s taken a long time but I’ve finally made a really good friend. It’s just nice to feel like you have someone you can talk to. Pardon? They want us to move where?”

“I just spent a fortune on gym membership but if we’re going to be here for another year I’ll really get my moneys worth…..pardon, what was that?”

Famous last words.

How about you? Got any you’d like to add. I’d love to hear them. Share it around and we’ll see how many we can come up with.

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  1. What you’re moving to Goodwood? Hip hip hooray!!!

  2. Priceless

  3. Sanda Ionescu says

    Yes, that was a much better laugh than those videos!  I know I’ve said: ‘But you said it would only be for….n… (add here your choice of infinitesmal amount of time, ranging from a few weeks to a few months) and then we would have a nice place to live in.’ 

  4. Kathlockett says

    (Slapping Love Chunks about the head) : ‘Wake up! WAKE UP! No, don’t get cranky at me; it’s 3 in the afternoon, you’re jetlagged and you *specifically asked* me to keep your eyes open until at least 8pm.’

    ‘I’ll be your best friend if you take the dog downstairs for a wee this time.’

    ‘Thirty two francs for some spag bol in a restaurant not redecorated since 1982 – they’re dreamin’!’

    ‘Bugger. I just told the checkout chick ‘bonjour’ as I left instead of ‘au revoir’.

    ‘Sapphire, there’s no need to be embarrassed about being seen with me. I might have ‘dacked’ you once but that was several years ago.’

    ‘LC, why is it that when your OS trip coincides with us having money in the bank and some school holidays, that it’s not to Paris but Burkina Faso?’

  5. Here in Libya, the first year my favourite phrase was – aslee wa la mish aslee? Original or not original? 😉 now I think I’ve gotten the hang of knowing the real stuff! Also, no I don’t want that bottle of brufen, I want that one from Europe!

  6. Ha ha. That was great. I know I’m an expat, but I just can’t imagine what you  lot go through every time you have to move. You need a medal. Or something!

  7. Just what the hell line of work is G in???? Is this just a cover for the fact that you’re on the run from the law?

  8. My phone call moment.
    Me: “They’re just delivering the custom made couches.  Finally the living room of my dreams is coming together”Husband: “We’re moving to Perth but don’t say anything to anyone yet”Me: “I’ll talk to you later”  
    Luckily the furniture came with us but doesn’t look quite as nice in a rental house where we can’t put pictures on the walls because you aren’t allowed to put up hooks.

    I feel your pain.

  9. “Wow Kirsty, you’re real.” 😉

  10. Haha! Yes, that’s exactly right, we’re on the run and have to pack up and move quickly. We’re very James Bond at our house (apart from the 4 kids, 20 suitcases and the beagle). 

  11. I love the “don’t say anything to anyone yet” part of the move. It makes it all sound so covert and secretive until the logistics arrive e.g.. “will you be at the school next year as we need you to pay a deposit to secure your places”. Ummm, can I get back to you on that? 

  12. Gin, we need Gin – and lots of it.

  13. So I’m not the only one that gets the creeps about the medicine with the labels with the incorrect spelling thats meant to be “the same the same!” Kx

  14. *Googles Burkina Faso*

  15. Oh. I. Loved. This. One.  

  16. Oh, man, ladies.  JUUUST finally got to “announce our move” on FB yesterdaI’m going to Perth too- Audrey, you in Doha?  Wanna meet up?

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