This morning I met with a girlfriend in a coffee shop in Doha, she’s just moved to Jakarta but was back in town for a couple of days. We were getting together to catch up and talk about Jakarta and if I had any tips or suggestions. We ran through the usual checklist of expat questions; questions I’ve asked when it’s been my turn to move.
Which part of the city did you live in?
Where did you do your grocery shopping?
How was the healthcare?
Would you have a baby there?
I was having trouble focussing on the conversation. My mind kept straying. The more we talked about Jakarta, the more faces appeared in my mind, more memories, more flashbacks. It was like talking about a previous relationship, an old boyfriend, but it was more than that.
If locations are like lovers, it would make sense that you never forget your first.
I pictured our arrival, our time in the hotel before moving to the house. The excitement of the first baby, decorating the nursery, the first baby group. The first little traveller was 11 days old when I returned to Jakarta with her. We muddled through so much of the experience together, some days I was terrified something would go wrong, others days I couldn’t believe my luck to be there.
I thought of friends, one in particular, who I’ll never see again. I could see her walking in to my house, with two enormous wet circles around each boob, a screaming baby and the hugest smile. “I can’t remember reading about this in the book!” she laughed hysterically. I pictured her icing the 1st birthday cake of her little girl. I don’t mention any of these thoughts while I talk about the traffic, the food and the furniture.
We talked about an area in Kemang and I thought of another friend who is now in China dealing with pollution and isolation. A friend who I count as one of my best, she has become my confidante and of late my personal trainer in writing. She sends me pictures like this:
“Ive been doing my shopping at Ranch” my newly relocated friend says and I wistfully reply “I remember when Ranch first came to Jakarta” but I’m actually thinking about a man called Jamie with a baby carrier on his back. I think about standing in the brand new Ranch and chatting about baby food and if going to Ranch was worth the drive. A stupid banal conversation now that I look back.
I remember that the hotel was on Jalan Casablanca, the house on Pejaten Baru, the supermarket was called Hero. The health clinic was on Puri Sakti. I think about the times those address’ came out of my mouth while I directed taxis and drivers to get me there. “Terus Benar, Terus Kiri.” The first words I learnt were directions.
At least once a week in Doha I meet someone new, whether it’s at school, sport or the pool. Inevitably the question will come up about where we’ve lived – expats do it in the same way people ask about schools or suburbs, they’re trying to find a commonality. “Oh – we were in KL in 2003” someone will say. I always run though our locations quickly, they flash before me, I don’t think about what they mean or more importantly what they meant at the time.
If locations are like lovers, I got lucky with my first.
What’s been your favourite location? It doesn’t have to be outside of your home country. Where would like to go to?
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I agree relocations are like lovers, but as it took me a few to find the right guy, i am still looking for the right relocations 🙂
the crisis means also something in the expat world, especially europeans are going to be less contractually treat as expat e moving in europe..so we are trying to decide where to go next since 3 months!
We spent the better part of our married life so far in Texas, so I guess its the place I think of the most. Great post!
IF moving in europe (never adjusting to us keyboard 🙁 )
My first was Perth, so needless to say, the bar was set high 😉
We often joke that we’ve followed you around the world – what a shame we haven’t followed you to Paris! (I’m cool with missing Aberdeen). xx
I love Texas – I spent 10 years avoiding it and then didn’t want to leave.
It’s difficult to choose because all have had such different things to offer. Gabon in the early 80’s was a true adventure, Melbourne in the early 90’s felt like home from the second we arrived, Paris is just something to inhale and absorb through every sense available. Somehow “Home” has a lure that will always be there.
I have a love hate relationship with Darwin. One minute I want him back so badly it hurts because I miss him so badly. Other times I am so relieved I left him. Torn.
Gorgeous post. xxx
Zimbabwe stole my heart, but Mugabe destroyed it’s soul. Well, he is trying too.
Six months in Africa, and it had me. It takes you for a ride, but burns your soul with it’s magic. It gives you no meaning and makes you just be. Slows you down to live.
I’d have to say my favorite was my first location as well. Tianjin, China…looking back at all the pollution, traffic, lack of most things I just don’t think about those things. I remember the people and the memories I have with them. And, well, TJ is where I met my husband. 😉
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s definitely all about the people for me. The tougher the location the tighter people stick together.
I have to say that Pacitan in Central Java, on the coast, is one of my favourite locations. I stayed there with friends a decade ago now. Somewhere in the area – I cannot recall now – are hot spring baths, beautifully designed, clean and drawing on an underground spring.
Loved this one Kirst and felt so sad about Jamie and Belinda. Great blog. Jen S xx
Well, visting a place is very different from living there which is why, if I were to describe my experiences, I would say vacation locations are like love affairs and relocations are like a marriage! I, like Valentina, have not found my favorite yet from where I have lived, but I am very tempted by some of my vacation spots…like Zurich. Really liked this post!
Love love love this post. I’ve only lived in three countries – so don’t have so many to choose from but HK was my first and I don’t think will ever be surpassed. I just visited for three days on the way back from a quick trip home by myself and it was the first time since we left (nearly three years ago) that I was at peace with not living there anymore. Its in my blood though – and my daughter was born there so it will always have a special place. As we are now contemplating a further move – to either Texas or Georgia (lordy help us) my current country of residence starts vying much more for my affection. Its a strange feeling – that I might miss South Africa as much as I miss HK when we go – Locations are like lovers is the best analogy for it – spot on!