How to be alone

When I was a child I wasn’t a big fan of being alone. It wasn’t that I didn’t spend any time alone, with two working parents and a sister who was six years older, there were many pockets of alone time. I remember quite a bit of quality time with the dog. Together we came up with new and exciting games like I’ll run around and around the house and you can try and catch me, unfortunately she was easily distracted and a passing car could change the game dramatically. I also played lets go through Mum and Dads drawers and lets take a good look at the biscuit tin, but most of the time I’d just hop on my bike or walk over to a friends house.

As a teen and later as a young adult being alone, to me, signified being friendless and lonely. I would have never considered grabbing a coffee, going to a movie or hitting the dance floor on my own. All events required friends, as many as I could find. I loved to be surrounded by noise, preferably people talking over the top of each other with sporadic bursts of uncontrollable laughter.

Heaven forbid, if I found myself stuck at home for any part of the weekend “I’m bored” I’d say to my mother, “only unintelligent people get bored” was her standard reply.

I finally understood the joy of being alone after having children. Those stolen moments of peace. I now truly appreciate the phrase ‘time to gather my thoughts’. If G is traveling or the schedule looks like a bus timetable, I find it often takes me an extra two minutes to get out of the car after everyone else. Stolen moments of alone.

I’ve watched the clip below so many times I’ve lost count. I love the sentiment. “Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. Lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless”.

I’m not sure why it took me being completely maxed out on human contact to finally enjoy my own company but I’m glad it eventually happened. I think I have FINALLY learnt how to be alone.

What about you? How do you feel about being alone?

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Comments

  1. Like you, I’ve gotten to really appreciate being alone as I’ve gotten older. That time away from the pressures of having to ‘interact’ and ‘be chatty’ can be very healing.

    SSG xxx

    Sydney Shop Girl blog

  2. I’ve long been a girl who needs time alone. After a certain period of time in the company of others I get jittery.

    On safari in Botswana one lunchtime I took my camp chair and book, sat behind the truck and read for an hour. My husband told me this was being rude, but we’d been with this group for 6 days and if I hadn’t disappeared for a bit I would have had a breakdown. I returned to the group refreshed and tolerant.

    Now with kids I yearn for SILENCE. Undemanding silence. If only I had a safari truck parked outside that I could disappear behind!

  3. That’s great, well put. I totally get it. I Need to escape more.

  4. I have always been one of those people who eats lunch alone, goes to movies or to a coffee shop alone. I am always amused by how it makes other people uncomfortable particularly when its someone you know. I am often saying, “no, don’t sit with me, I need some quiet time”. The sensory overload of life ensures that we are constantly assaulted by information and noise. This morning I drove to work with no radio. The silence was as good as meditation. Bliss. It should be mandatory.

  5. As a single child I’ve been alone a lot and I need it now as an adult too. Quite often I have some of my best moments by myself – travelling, going to the movies, concerts, breakfasts. Love it. Love being surrounded by my kids, husband and friends, but I get really cranky if I don’t get quality alone time to recharge. x

  6. I love being alone! the six or so hours my kids are at school are amazing and I struggle on the weekends and holidays for some quiet time.
    I also LOVE that clip, it’s beautiful.

  7. I was the opposite as a child. I was always perfectly content on my own. Even as a teenager I spent a lot of time with friends but had no problem doing things alone. Now it has been so many years and of such rarity that I crave it more than anything in my life. Just stillness and quiet.

  8. I am overall a social person, but do enjoy being alone at times. I love shopping alone. I enjoy drinking a good glass of wine while reading a book alone, I like walking alone. Sadly, with two kids (and soon a third), I will almost never get this kind of time!

  9. Being alone is like a drug to me. I love it. Now, as a single parent with two kids, it’s such a gift.

  10. I mostly hate being alone. But sometimes, occassionally, it’s good.

    I can’t write unless I’m alone.

  11. I LOVED that video! And I LOVE being alone. Always have. I was once told the difference between an extrovert + an introvert is that an extrovert likes being around people but must be alone to recharge. an introvert likes being alone but must recharge by being around people. i am becoming more and more of an introvert.

  12. I was never very good at being alone, but after 5 months of being unemployed while my husband spends a good 80% of the day at work, I am getting VERY good at it. Now when I’m with people all the time, I desperately feel the need for some alone time. It’s about balance for me. I need a good dose of people and then a good dose of me time and then I’m a happy camper.

  13. I love being alone. Love it. I need to put my phone away more often though and revel in it. Thanks for the reminder. x

  14. I crave ALONE. I love alone. It is now about my very most favourite thing. I think 4 kids will do that to you!!
    Mothering is so intense regular alone is required for recharing. I normally choose to be alone in a cafe, also happy alone in a movie but don’t do it so often. Alone in the house feels odd, although as husband worked at home for past 6 years it has not really been a possibility.
    Alone for me definitely does not equal lonely.
    Michelle xx

  15. Amen Sister, and KJ also just took some of the words from my keyboard. Not just chasing the elusive solitary moments, (but with 2 of the noisiest kids ever) quiet as well. Silence, solitude/ personal space are holy for me. Very hard to attain. This is why I stay up very late- despite my husband’s protests. It’s the only time I can make a date with me and my better thoughts. Loved the video. Thanks x

  16. I enjoy my own company. I am never bored. I come from a large family and was in my 20’s before I ever had any time to be by myself. It was bliss. I not only enjoy my alone time, but I insist upon it. Of course, God, in one of his more humorous moments, made certain that I would have an overabundance of alone time. Because of a disability, I am home all day, every day, alone — but I am never lonely. I enjoy my husband, and the select company of some friends, but by and large I am not a hugely social person. I loved the poem and the clip.

  17. Solitude is not the same as loneliness, methinks. It’s good to have some ‘me time’, sometimes. 🙂

    Paul
    http://fromsheeptoalligators.blogspot.com/

  18. I really enjoyed this poem clip! I had to stop it several times to capture some of the beautiful nuggets of wisdom: ‘But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless. And lonely is healing if you make it.’

    Lovely. Thanks for sharing.

  19. I am alone too much, at least as alone as you can be as a lone parent of 3. But what I’ve found is that while I desperately crave a social life, I also get anxious when I get the chance to go out, because I’m out of practice at talking to other adults! So being alone is not always a good thing.

  20. OH. I so get this.
    Love the video clip. LOVE

    “I’m not sure why it took me being completely maxed out on human contact to finally enjoy my own company but I’m glad it eventually happened. I think I have FINALLY learnt how to be alone”.

    truthfully i have been wondering if I am going slightly nuts that i prefer my own company more and more (especially during the hours kids are at school, I DON”T want to talk on the phone, or shop with a friend, I just want quiet. me. time

    thankyou so much for posting this and thanks for finding my blog leading me to you!! 🙂

  21. I linked up to your post. Hope that’s all good? 🙂

  22. Love this! I thought I was strange to actually like going to movies alone. Turns out I am quite fine and normal:))
    Lovely blog!

  23. I LOVED that video! And I LOVE being alone. Always have. I was once told the difference between an extrovert + an introvert is that an extrovert likes being around people but must be alone to recharge. an introvert likes being alone but must recharge by being around people. i am becoming more and more of an introvert.

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