I have somehow ended up on a mailing list for daily beauty tips. Each day for the past week I’ve received emails with titles such as “when is it too young for botox” (I’m guessing maybe six or seven, I mean the aging process between grades 1 and 2 is brutal) and “how to get dramatic eyes” (perhaps by not taking yesterday’s make up off)?
Today I received 5 beauty tips which, if followed, may have taken up a good two to three hours of my day. Never going to happen.Â
If I was looking for tips though, maybe these top 5 could have saved me (or my friend Tash) from a little embarrassment in the past:
Avoid picking your knickers out of your bum after just spreading nutella/vegemite on school lunches whilst wearing white linen trousers.
It is not physically possible to scream “brush your hair and put your shoes on” whilst vigorously brushing your teeth without a clothing catastrophe, you will discover at around 2.15 in the afternoon (after dropping the little travelers off at school and being in contact with around 40 other adults of various degrees of importance to you) that you have 2 big globs of toothpaste on each boob.
If you feel something flapping around your navel it is probably the left flap of your maternity bra, whilst clipping it DO NOT squeeze both boobs to remind yourself of which boob is “up next”….and yes that smell means you didn’t remember to put your deodorant on after you ran back in to the house for the third time.
That thing you do when you dab 5 dobs of concealer under each eye in the morning….just remember to rub in it BEFORE you arrive at the office
If you sneeze whilst applying your mascara and start looking for a kleenex don’t be surprised by any Alice Cooper or panda references for the rest of the day.
Follow these rules and I’m sure you’ll be fabulous!
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Do not leave the house to go out on baby-free lunch outing, get in your car and start driving while still wearing your ugly slippers…
Ha! it’s so funny and so true,
Don’t ever leave the house in your daggiest coffee stained PJ’s, unbrushed hair and teeth because you only think you won’t be getting out of the car, that will almost certainly be the day your car will break down and your Idiot X boyfriend will be the good samaritin that stops to help out before Roadside Assistance arrives.
Oh, thanks for giving me a laugh to start the day. And I can honestly say “Been there, done that” to all of them.
Another thing worth remembering is, when wearing a dress or skirt to work, ALWAYS CHECK before leaving the loo that it has not got caught up in your knickers before waltzing down the long corridor back to you desk.
(Yep – been there, done that too)
Fabulous. May I add don’t forget to look down at your feet to ensure that you have matching Birkenstocks or Flip Flops (thongs)on.
They are very valid tips indeedy! I will add: When leaving the house, or answering the doorbell, first remove the 27 sparkly hairclips that your 3 year old daughter has put in your hair while “playing hairdressers”. This rule applies equally to Daddys.
this is awesome! I wish I could add to these but the reason I keep doing them over and over again is because my brain no longer works post children and the toothpaste stains on my shirt remain daily!
For a laugh (yours not mine!) – I looked down at my t-shirt today and saw two huge stains on my white t-shirt, thought gee that looks like dried breast milk – but hang on, I stopped feeding over a year ago! 🙂 I don’t know what it was but the memories are just below the surface lol.
Toothpaste doesn’t like to come out of coloured t shirts in a hurry either…love your beauty tips, will definitely keep all in mind.
I finally made it over from my blog to yours (I with the 4 kids and a dog) and it was definitely worth the visit. So now I’ll be hanging around a bit more. Love reading about the expat life. Was one for about 8 years, had 3 kids in the US. Have now returned to Australia for 6 yrs and we are considering a return to the states with 4 kids in tow. If we make the move I might be asking for some tips – although apparently you will not be all that much help with the packing of suitcases!
Michelle
Those are great tips! Perhaps i should get on your “beauty” mailing list. I haven’t had botox yet, am i too young? hmmm
Very useful. I would add – don’t think you can just quickly dash out in your bra and undies to the washing line to grab some clean clothing. If you do it will inevitably be at the very same moment the neighbours or their children lean over the fence to say hello.(been there done that)
How funny … It is just like living at my house – except for the white trousers – too dangerous to even think about buying white anything. Thanks for making me laugh!!
Make sure you don’t leave any panty liners with the sticky back exposed on your bed, as you may just end up dropping your kids at daycare with a pantyliner stuck to your trackies. So stylish!
Thanks for visiting last week, I am home again, and going through everything now 🙂
Beauty tip I learnt today: if your son gets a bloody toe and you cuddle him (you know, his head on your shoulder and feet tucked around near your bum), check the back of your pants before going into town to do grocery shopping… looks like a bit of leakage, if you get what I mean!
Luckily as soon as we got in there, Miss A needed to go to the toilet and I noticed it in the mirror. Double lucky that I had a longish shirt on that covered it…
PS I knew what shamozal meant 🙂
You seem to be a graduate of the same beauty school as me! Stick with the basics I say.
Love it!!
Thanks for visiting last week, I am home again, and going through everything now 🙂
Beauty tip I learnt today: if your son gets a bloody toe and you cuddle him (you know, his head on your shoulder and feet tucked around near your bum), check the back of your pants before going into town to do grocery shopping… looks like a bit of leakage, if you get what I mean!
Luckily as soon as we got in there, Miss A needed to go to the toilet and I noticed it in the mirror. Double lucky that I had a longish shirt on that covered it…
PS I knew what shamozal meant 🙂
Make sure you don’t leave any panty liners with the sticky back exposed on your bed, as you may just end up dropping your kids at daycare with a pantyliner stuck to your trackies. So stylish!