My name’s Kirsty…………….and I’m twitaholic.
It all began innocently on the Australian election day. I was far from home and started trawling the news sites searching for polling results, I noticed a tweet link to the incredibly talented Aussie political journalist, Annabel Crabb. I was going to just have a quick look. I mean, ahem, I have to be honest…..I wasn’t a twirgin, I’d been there before, I’d twabbled once or twice, but I was more what you’d call an occasionitter.
Something was different this time though, armed with a “trending topic” (#ausvotes) on election day, it was a twitsplosion. All of the politweeters were there, chatting in 140 characters or less, it was instant, it was clever and twitty.
Initially I was just a voyeur, occasionally I’d throw in a drive by tweet but mostly I was happy just to twatch.
As the days and weeks went by I gained a couple of followers and slowly I found myself with a whole new group of sweeple, I tweeted them, they tweeted me. They were my tweeps.
Then I became more of an adventuritter. I couldn’t just wait patiently at any of my appointments, I was twaiting, I was twalking and the worst, I was twitterlooing. I found 5 minutes without my phone left me feeling twitterish and out of the twitterloop. I’m embarrassed to admit, I was even doing it when I was stuck in twaffic.
It got worse.
I noticed the blog links. I thought about my own blog, maybe I could “flog MY blog?” The twitophant came out in me. I linked, I flogged and when people “mentioned” me I was in twitterphoria. I had a bad case of twittereah. CHECK THIS BLOG OUT”, I screamed at people. “YOU MIGHT LIKE THIS?” I’d become as desperate as an AFL player in a nightclub at 3am.
I knew I’d hit rock bottom when I turned my attention to the twitterati. I didn’t take the obvious route, not Ashton Kucher, Stephen Fry or Lance Armstrong……noooooo after a couple of glasses of wine I tweeted or dweeted (drunk tweeted) John Cusack?! He didn’t tweet back. I’m sure you’re as shocked as I am to discover a middle aged bachelor wasn’t ALL over a blog about 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle.
Initially I felt a little tweetsulted, then it grew to full blown twitterage but by the morning I was just feeling tweepish and was seriously contemplating a twittectomy. I thought about qwitting but knew I couldn’t go cold twurkey.
So I’ve decided to develop my own 12 step program. I’d love your help. Please feel free to add some steps…..
Step 1. Unfollow John Cusack!
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Step 2: Step away from the computer. Seriously. Put down that mouse, unfondle that keyboard, and walk away. I found, in the early days of my tweehab, that I had to physically leave the house. Do not take your iPhone with you. Or any other enabled thingy.
Kirsty, this is hysterical! I knew there was a good reason I’ve avoided Twitter like the plague – I’m finding blogging addictive enough as it is! J x
very funny read! i was indifferent to twitter initially but yes i find it addictive now. i love following anabel crabb, she is so smart and together and has multiple kids which scores many hero points with me.
oh how i love john cusack! high fidelity not must love dogs.
laughed so much – you got me starting a blog and another friend started me on twitter – don’t quite get it yet and perhaps need another election to make it meaningful for me!!!!!!!
Oh sod the twelve steps, just unfollow John Cussack and tweet normal tweeple instead. We’re much better fun!
I am not a tweeter. I know I would go wack-o with it. I’m that type! 🙂 Thanks for the follow, will follow you!
Oh you hilarious woman!! I can totally relate to this! I felt like a cheap tart when I first started twimping my blog. I will RT – hope you feel some twitterphoria 🙂
I’d like to offer you some twerapy or twips on how to curb your addition but I’m afraid I need help also…
Reading really funny … I think I’m at the beginning of your madness,already feeling the same symptoms.But I need to tell you something important, your Second Step above,must to be:”Follow Jonh Cusack Again” !
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I can’t relate. I am not addicted to Twitter. I don’t have a problem. And if you agree, or if you disagree, contact me at twitter.com/kerrisackville and we’ll tweet about it. Over and over and over and over and ove……..
Step thirteen… unfollow everyone with a follow/followed ratio of less 1:2, slebs included. Twitter’s great! But what I love is the conversation. If someone’s got 3000 followers and they follow about eleven people bad I couldn’t care less what they’ve had for breakfast, think of the Chilean miners or are planning to do this weekend. They might as well put a sign by the motorway. If you want to talk, I’m @dotterel!
Great blog, btw… and that should read ‘eleven people back, obviously!
Just read this and laughed out loud. I have the twittaddiction. If you get the 12 step plan, please don’t tell me about because I love Twitter and I’m not ready to let go … not yet anyway.
I am so out of the loop – how am I just finding out about you now? You are a Twitter Goddess! I’m off to follow you right now. 🙂
Oh I am a twitterholic too. I spend way too much time on it and probably could have churned out a couple of books if I spent as much writing actual stories rather than 140 character statements. And yet … it’s brought me in touch with some cool peeps, so not sure I’ll give up my vice yet.
No tweeting for me. Blogging saps enough of my time. The thought of following John Cusack is very intriguing though…I am sure he is missing you. x
I had to unfollow John Cusack too. I mean, I love him dearly, but his tweets are too political and irrelevant to me.
step 2 should be leave the twittering to outside of toilet time for sure! no twoiletting, and no twafficing. It’s twerrible.
OH God, I twitterloo too!!! What the hell is wrong with me?
Seriously, this is as bad as alcohol or having a go-kart addiction. It just needs constant feeding.
Is there a step two? Perhaps the fact I haven’t swept or put away clothes in over two weeks might mean I will have my own undoing coming shortly.
Very funny x
I can’t do twitter. I get in there every now and then and go ‘wtf?’ and get straight back out again. It’s like being at a party where everyone is trying to out-do everyone else. Wittier, cleverer, smarter… yep, I really can’t do twitter.
Good luck with your 12 step programme. I think twitter is even more of a time-suck than blogging so I’m sure you’ll be happy to get some time back!!! x
I loved this post the first time round and it’s still great! Thanks for linking up.
I’ve only just started tweeting, so thank you for your cautionary tale…
The only advice I have is go cold turkey. And then go back two weeks later, and go cold turkey again, and then go back……. Yes, peeps, I’m either all in or all out… Awesome post!
I’ve only just started tweeting, so thank you for your cautionary tale…
I can’t do twitter. I get in there every now and then and go ‘wtf?’ and get straight back out again. It’s like being at a party where everyone is trying to out-do everyone else. Wittier, cleverer, smarter… yep, I really can’t do twitter.
Good luck with your 12 step programme. I think twitter is even more of a time-suck than blogging so I’m sure you’ll be happy to get some time back!!! x
The only advice I have is go cold turkey. And then go back two weeks later, and go cold turkey again, and then go back……. Yes, peeps, I’m either all in or all out… Awesome post!
Reading really funny … I think I’m at the beginning of your madness,already feeling the same symptoms.But I need to tell you something important, your Second Step above,must to be:”Follow Jonh Cusack Again” !
I came to this post late but so true… and I found twitter too at the last federal election. It pulled me in and won’t let me out. I’m twapped. x