5 Steps Towards Becoming a Great Expat

Step One:

Kick off from your “home country”, make your house a home. Fill it with shiny appliances that work, furniture that has been measured and matched, and then forcefully cram it into a dirty old banged up shipping container and push it out to sea for six months.

Step Two:

Arrive at your new location, realise it works on a completely different power voltage system with unrecognizable sockets – all your appliances are useless. Pack them away and then proceed to transport them to your next six locations where they will immediately be placed under the stairs and never come out of their box.

Step Three:

Get an IKEA catalogue. While some carry a bible, and others the Qur’an, expats have been known to clutch the IKEA catalogue in prayer for the Faaarkon Dombas Pysslingar to be in stock so that they have a bed to sleep in tonight. *Only one of those names is made up, the other two really are IKEA items.

Step Four:

Find a great hairdresser, friend, job, doctor, gym, pub, and restaurant close by and then move, immediately. Repeat every year or two.

Step Five:

Adjust rose coloured glasses to eye level and get under the skin of anyone who will listen while you talk about how great your previous location was. Start all sentences with “Well in….. we used to…” until one day you realise you no longer feel that way, and it no longer matters, because you’ve made a new life. Look around the room, look at the home you’ve made, the friends you’ve met, the lessons your new country has taught you…and enjoy it before you’re on the move again.

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