What the, when the, how the?
Sally: Just wondering if anyone knows where I can find rose scented, gluten free, Japenese taco shells? My two year old son can’t live without them, we were able to get them in London but I can’t find them here?
Xian: Lulu Supermarket – in Saudi
Doug: Look at this adorable picture of a seal swimming in a glass box in the desert. Isn’t it adorable! It did tricks for us for fish.
Jennifer: That’s disgusting. This shouldn’t happen. Fish do not belong in the desert. Fish belong in the sea and on the plates of five star restaurants. You should be ashamed of yourself. I can’t believe your attitude! I’M SO CROSS I’M GOING TO START TALKING IN CAPS LOCK. Here’s my 20 page dissertation on why fish do not belong in the desert.
Raul: Where can I buy tickets to see the fish in the desert?
Jill: I saw someone driving so badly today. It was so bad I took a photo as I was driving to prove it.
Sally: I still can’t find rose scented, gluten free, Japanese taco shells. Does anyone know how to get to Saudi? Can I drive in Saudi? I heard a rumour I can’t drive in Saudi? Is there a Wholefoods in Saudi, obviously not fully stocked but just the gluten free macrobiotic items.
Mo: I would like to adopt a dog
Joe: I rescued this dog yesterday. Have this dog.
Mo: Not that sort of dog. I want a dog with lots of hair that will need to sit on the couch in the air-conditioning throughout the summer eating home made treats.
Joe: My dog is the best dog, why you no want my dog. You very bad person. You don’t deserve dog. I rescued it but I can’t keep it because I’m allergic. I’m holding a fundraising dinner at my house tonight, please bring two bags of dog food and 1000 US dollars.
Adam: Here’s a picture of my dinner tonight. Why do you think the meat is green?
Xian: Did you buy the meat at Lulu?
Saba: I ate green meat once
Shirley: Don’t eat the green meat. You will die. Definitely, no doubt about it. Dead.
Mel: Batter the meat in breadcrumbs.
Ted: When I was young we always ate our meat green, just eat the meat.
Chantel: It’s bad that you eat meat.
Moha: I could never eat meat.
Matt: Did you eat the meat?
Sally: Is the meat gluten free?
Khala: Has anyone heard from Adam?
Deborah: We are moving to Doha and I am looking for school places for my five children. We arrive on Tuesday, which school is the best one?
Mona: I’ve been very very sick lately, someone suggested I see a doctor, where do you find the doctors?
Xian: Lulu supermarket – Saudi
Jill: Seriously, hazard lights, in the fog? I’ve taken another photo while I was driving to show you how bad it was!
Adam: Does anyone know what time I have to be at work tomorrow?
Mo: I want to adopt a cat
Joe: Here’s a cat for adoption, I rescued it yesterday. I would keep it but I’m allergic.
Vladimir: Looking for an arabic teacher, must be young, single, attractive and have own car. Arabic not essential.
Eve: Looking for a daycare centre, must be peanut free, and sensitive to lactose intolerance, any good recommendations?
Roxanne: How old is your child Eve?
Eve: No child yet, planning on getting pregnant in October 2017.
Joan: My husband was offered a job at Shell as the leading ladder holder, how much should he get paid?
Robert: I’m the leading ladder holder at Shell?
Sally: For Sale – Household goods – moving back to London. Items for sale: IKEA bed, IKEA dining room table, IKEA tv cabinet, IKEA shoes, IKEA underwear, IKEA toothbrush, IKEA soap and ten unopened packets of rose scented gluten free Japanese tacos.
Oh my God! You’ve been reading Singapore Expat Wives?
Not that I would know as I got kicked off SEW after I joined another Singapore expat wives page! True story!
I wondered if they were universal in the expat world. Too funny. You got kicked off?!
Yep. Booted off and the group became a ‘secret’ group which is incredibly helpful for new people to Singapore. Naturally a new, improved group has sprung up. Same stuff, different group!
Just laughed out loud for a long time at this. Very accurate representation of our Doha group. As I was reading, I got a notification to say that a friend had posted in said Facebook group asking if anyone knows where she could buy a helium gas bottle…
Polly
Follow Your Sunshine
So apt! But you left off the bit on the last comment about the fact that Sally will selling the Ikea furniture, which she bought 3 years ago and has been using since then, for full rsp…
Word for word what you would find on Desperately Seeking Bangkok!!
Hahahahaha yes!!!
This. Is. Brilliant. Have you thought of getting a job at Private Eye, Kirsty?
Spot on!!!!
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! So true!
Very funny and very true.
wow, I’ve been in one or two of those groups. I am no longer. Who knew there were so many batshit crazy peeps around! #shudders
This is the best. So funny.
Haha! Looks just like Yanks Down Under!
No, she was selling her Ikea furniture (and car) that was practically brand new for a reasonable price and every bugger on the site wanted her to give it to them for nearly nothing AND deliver it.
I thought being batshit crazy was one of the requirements to become an expat. Or at least an advantage.
I run a number of these types of groups. The biggest of mine being in Muscat, Oman. Its called ‘Muscat-Where Can I Find’. I started mine in 2010 because I was looking for a tailor. Now 5 years on and 20000+ members. I’ve read some outstanding crazy posts and often ponder about folks lives when they feel the need to take part in a comment war and rev up the reading audience. I think now I could write a book….. maybe I should 🙂
I belong to a fb page for mums in my area. I cannot tell you
where I live or exactly what it is called for fear of being outed and evicted,
which would be my worst nightmare because when I am down or even a little bit
bored it is the best free entertainment value around.
I have put all my friends onto it and now they are sucked as
deep into the vortex as I am.
JMJ– I don’t want to judge (it might be my first name, but
still) but this morning when it was -5 and I was dropping JMJ jr at the Church
pre-school I saw a baby in a car looking cute and warm and sweet. Then I
realized her mother was 10 steps away dropping her heavily wrapped older child
at the front door of the pre-school. I just want to say ladies, this is not on.
Spend the extra 10 minutes for a 2 minute stop at -5 and take all the kids with
you those 25 steps to and from the front door.
LBM – Let her be, it was freezing today. I know that pre-school, you can totally take
your kid to the front door and be back before the car temp drops. To take the
baby outside is more trouble than it is worth. Maybe the baby was asleep, maybe
the baby is sick, maybe the mamma left the right jacket at home.
FBM – Oh my goodness. Did you get the license plate? Did you report the mother to child
services? I hope you did. That baby is being abused; I should be looking after
that baby. I will take it into my house and care for it properly. That sweet
little baby doesn’t deserve to grow up with a mamma like that.
ROP – Hey has anyone seen NKM around this page lately?
LBM – No,where is she?
ORM – I saw her the other day, she seemed fine, didn’t seem like anything was wrong.
JMJ – I heard her on some talk back radio show this morning, she was talking about this
page and making fun of the posts on here with the hosts. She didn’t use
anyone’s name or refer to any specific posts but was just talking about a fb
group that is in this area and takes themselves a little too seriously.
ADMIN – NKM was removed and blocked from the group after I had several complaints about her appearance on radio this morning. We are a fun and friendly group, and we won’t have anyone saying otherwise. Settings have now been changed to secret so other mums new to the area cannot find us, and so radio stations cannot poke fun at us.
DRM – I went to the doctors today and took my child who was
sick. The doctor proscribed some steroids for the illness, but my husband has
just been reading an article online about steroids and we don’t want to give
the medication to our son anymore. Can anyone of you 4000 mothers with no
medical degrees give us a better understanding of what we should be doing?
543 replies – none of which say – you should really consider
that your doctor is a medical professional who has had years of training and
experience and may in this case know best for your child.
15 replies – Here are photos of what that rash looked like
on my kid
I could go on (these may or may not all be actual real examples from the not mentioned
page)
You missed one…..”Here is a photo of my toddler’s arm. He has a rash. What do you think it is? Do you think I should take him to emergency?” or, my favourite “my husband just fell off a ladder and his head has split wide open, blood everywhere. Which hospital do you think I should take him to?” (answer: get off Facebook and just drive woman. Any hospital!)
Oh and the best one I ever read was “The school bus insists on picking my daughter up from the side of the road outside my condo. It will not drive into the driveway and collect her undercover. It is so dangerous as my daughter is exposed to the sun and rain while waiting for the bus. I want to sue the bus company. Can anyone recommend a good lawyer?” (KJ who commented below will know EXACTLY what I am talking about on this one…..!)
Someone wrote to me the other day and said they saw I had been on Singapore expats – I was confused as I was sure I hadn’t. Let me know KJ if you see anyone masquerading as me around the traps 😉
I think we read the same page ha ha! But you forgot about the lady looking for a lawyer so she can sue the school bus…..
It’s not just expat communities! My neighborhood in the US has one complete with photos of bad drivers, tattling on children and lost/found pets. We have a couple of expert pot stirrers that really get it going. Some nights its better entertainment than TV!
Pretty much the same here in China except instead of Facebook (that big
blocked thing is a big issue!) we have the yahoo forum groups. As much
fun plus you receive hundred of emails a day until you realize you can
get the digest version of those messages, however you might be too late
to buy that Air Filter you’ve been looking for for months (because you didn’t receive the individual emails
and somebody got it before you!). Dilemma, dilemma 🙂
However I
lived in Norway before and you would thing important question such as where
can I find Cream of Tartar could be answered by oneself by just going to
the grocery store. Different country, same drama 🙂
I have all the shame – I set up my local FB group and despite being boring and UK-centric it is EXACTLY the same
This is hilarious. Nothing to add, just patting you on the back.
Laughed so hard! And I bought ALL of the remaining rose scented gluten free Japanese taco shells because you just never know when you’ll find them again!
Dear Kristi, this is by far one of the funniest posts you have done…..I am rolling!!!!!!!!
absolutely and probably for a markup!
The comments below are even funnier…..thanks everyone for a great start to my expat day!
HAHAHA This is so our lives as expats in China! Must be a universal thing…
Oh no, the best one was about the helper who kept eating olives. I think that this is the reason that a splinter singapore expats facebook was formed. Let’s just say that some members though it was ridiculous that a grown women was complaining about her helper eating her ‘special’ food!
Don’t forget. I am the best employer who has every lived in the history of employers when it comes to helpers. The rest of you are all horrible mean and nasty people. Helpers are humans too. Oh Yeah and I forgot to mention that I have been here approx 5 mins.
This is brilliant. And so true!
And don’t forgot Sally’s selling a set of organic hemp bamboozal eco baby crap catchers only used for two kids but not available in Doha so priced for profit at 1000 QR
Thanks Kirsty. The best article I ever read. Going viral on When, Where & How in Doha and making all of us LOL.
Btw I’m still looking for that young & single Arabic teacher
When, Where and How in Doha
I am still on both the Expat wives groups, but mostly for entertainment since I have left Singapore! I must find out whether there is a similar group in Nice for my entertainment!
That one was amazing. Anything with puppies or helpers goes a bit crazy!
Definitely!
You will never see them again. One day there will be two aisles full of them, the next day, nothing, never to be seen again 🙂
You’re absolutely right.
That’s hysterical.
Thanks so much – it was lovely to see it on WWH, and really great to see people having a laugh about it. Cheers.
I DREAM of being that good, but thanks for the boost of confidence.
Thanks so much Sarah xx
I know – comments are great.
Thanks so much Barbara xxx
They are incredibly helpful things and I’m so glad we have one here – but sometimes they are laugh out loud funny.
🙂
dying laughing – here in Shanghai it’s juice and quinoa! I actually went to Ikea last weekend – locals bring their kids to play and everyone hangs out in the displays because the building is heated – important when it’s 0 degrees outside
I knew a mom like this, but the school bus stopped across the ( narrow) road from her condo, which was just unacceptable!! She would get the kids in her car in the basement and drive them across the road every morning. Crikey.