On The Top Of The World.

The thought that lingers. It sits hovering behind the day to day conversations. It’s with you in the dentist’s chair and bobs along in the back of your mind as you walk along the beach. It’s been with me since I arrived back in Australia. I’ve asked myself often in the past few weeks about the life I’ve chosen. Even before heading overseas, a life with G. I’ve watched my family as we’ve sat at parks and dinner tables and replayed conversations in my head. “When are you coming home?” Or worse “Why aren’t you coming home?”

I’ve considered the sliding door moments of those around me, the precise second when someone’s life took a turn, a partner was chosen, a career choice made. The moment when you’ve driven so far down a road that you can no longer turn back.

G has a lot of cousins, mostly based in the country. The life they chose is one that I often unrealistically covet. I wouldn’t last more than a week on a cattle property but the romantic dream in my head has me riding horses, baking prize winning cakes, fixing fences and fixing anything mechanical. I hang on their every word when it comes to riding boots, mustering, and cattle shows. With their life comes an attitude: get on with it, laugh it off, help each other out. The little travellers have cousins who know and understand a different type of isolation; home schooling is not a choice it’s a reality, boarding school a necessity, children make a ten minute drive each morning to then hop on a school bus.

“Qatar doesn’t show up on our globe at home, Alexandra tells people her cousins live on the top of the world.”

I have no doubt that G and I are two of the luckiest people in the world. We’ve had parents who cared, clean sheets and warm meals. We’ve been given an education which has provided choices.

With a bit of luck, we chose this life.

And so the lingering thought continues. Why don’t you want to come home? Why have we been saying “just a few more years” for the past ten years?

Maybe it’s because Alexandra is right. At this precise moment, we’re on top of the world. It possibly won’t last, and they’ll continue to be days we question our choices, but at this point – we’re on top of the world.

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