My neck is on strike. After a late night union meeting between my laptop, pillow, and six year old son’s elbow, my neck pulled out its usual job description and began crossing off items with a big red pen. Grievances were aired, and there was a moment of civil resistance before Voltaren and two glasses of wine were brought in for last minute negotiations. Unfortunately it all came to a screaming holt at 6am this morning. My neck was overheard shouting “viva le revolution” before putting down its tools and demanding a new work-to-rule program.
After a warm shower, it became evident that my neck was working the minimum hours required on a very basic contract. It involves one movement, and one movement only. Facing straight ahead with a slight tilt forward. I’ve attempted to begin discussions on a new workplace agreement with two of the key players (Messrs. Left and Right) but they have informed me just a moment ago that they are at a gridlock, and will only arrive with a wince. Messrs. Up and Down continue to refuse to enter discussions, they’re going to get back to me when they’ve finished their stop work meeting.
I dropped the children at school this morning after performing a range of activities in a squatting position. As I pulled up at the school gates I could see my girlfriend in my rear view mirror. A minute later I was at the traffic lights when she sent a text. I knew she was somewhere behind me and to the left.
“How’s the neck?”
“I’d turn around and wave at you, but I can’t”.
If the light change had been longer I would have been able to suggest that at least it was my neck on strike and not my nose. You know what you have to do when your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
The protest is no surprise. The neck has been hinting for awhile that working conditions were unacceptable. I’ve been “going to” go and get a remote keyboard for months. Colleagues (my husband) have looked at my work environment eg. laying in bed with a laptop on my chest, and suggested a black ban on laptops while in horizontal positions. I didn’t like the alternative arrangements that were offered, being horizontal without a laptop in our house can be dangerous.
I’m currently in the middle of some collective bargaining between posture, muscle relaxants and ergonomic change. I’ll get back to you when we’ve reached an agreement, but I have a feeling chocolate and wine will factor heavily with negotiations.
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Get off the laptop NOW!
I’ve had frozen shoulder and know the pain you are in – how the heck did you manage to drive the kids to school?????????????
Call a friend and ask them to get the kids this afternoon and look after yourself! xo
I’m all for chocolate and wine therapy. Then maybe a trip to the neck doctor? Osteopath? Chiropractor? Ok, just wine and chocolate it is, then.
Mine has been on strike for the past four days as well. Tiger balm, hot water bottles, nurofen and the flattest pillow on the bed have kinda sorta helped. Not.
Chocolate and wine *are* regularly called upon, especially in the late evening when a good DVD is on but it is starting to peeve me right off. Being told (rather gingerly) by my husband that “it might be an age thing” did not help!
Commiserations!
This was a tip from one of the top UK Pilates instructors and a teacher trainer. It may sound silly, but it’s the only thing that works for me when my neck freezes up. I lay on the floor, or in bed if I’m feeling ultra lazy, with a small pillow or rolled up towel beneath my head. Then using the tip of my tongue I slowly – very slowly – write out the alphabet in very large letters first on the inside of one cheek and then the other. You may find that certain letters actually make your neck ache a little, if this happens go extra slowly, because your movements are stretching the actual muscles that have frozen. Hope you feel better soon…