Put Your Pants On

A girlfriend sent out a text this morning “anyone up for coffee/lunch at the markets?”

I was sitting in bed, slurping my coffee in my nightie. The market sounded great, I love the markets, I also love my girlfriend.

“Would I have to put my pants on?” was my reply.

She let me know that pants were an essential requirement, not her fault of course, it was one of those weird social etiquette mixed with occupational health and safety things. Seeing as I have two tubes coming out of my body and some rather fancy attachments to each thigh, I could see that people may get a bit of a shock if I was to forget my pants.

I decided to stay at home.

I’ve been home for nearly six weeks. In that time my only trips have been to the local supermarket for supplies and the little bakery down the road. I went to my neighbours for a glass of champagne to celebrate their 37th wedding anniversary, but apart from that, my life has revolved around my laptop, my kitchen, my bed, and my dining room table. I have had days where I’ve spent up to three hours talking to the little travellers. “What’s it like outside Mum?”… hmmm, have I been outside today?

Jokes have been made about social butterflies returning to their cocoon. I’ve laughed along, it’s true, the girl who loves a chat has been somewhat of a recluse. Now she needs to remember where she left her pants.

On Wednesday I will return the miner of vaginas to find out if I am healed. If I’m not, my tubes, bags and clips will stay with me for another six weeks. If I am healed, they will remove one catheter right there and then, the next, the day after.

I am willing myself not to get to excited. In the same way I would tell one of the little travellers they may not make the team. Excited, desperate, it’s all out of my control. I tell myself over and over, don’t get your hopes up, expect the worst and you won’t be disappointed.

I have my hopes up. I can’t seem to help it, I’m holding them above my head like a trophy, willing them to give me a positive result.

I can’t wait to put my pants back on and get out there again.

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