Making a Girl Feel Special.

G sent me these for our anniversary. They are the most beautiful flowers he has ever sent. The wow factor is high, they’re tall and the colours make the house feel like the entire garden has come inside to join us.  There’s something very special about receiving flowers, the delivery to the house, the card, it’s impossible not to smile. I kept looking over at them while I was having my coffee this morning. I felt a little bit special.

About three hours later I was laying on this, in an upright position, with a plastic container between my thighs attempting to wee in front of an audience of six.

I didn’t feel very special.

The stand at the bottom is for your feet. The machinery hovering above the “bed” is an X-ray, it moves around like an extra terrestrial looking for somewhere to put the implant. After my bladder had been pumped full of a substance which I am sure now makes me glow in the dark, the “bed” was tipped to an upright position.

“Okay Kirsty, we’re ready when you are”

Nothing. We all stared at each other. Waiting.

“I can’t”

“Nurse, can you turn the taps on and dim the lights – that usually gets things moving”

We discussed water shortages, council rates and garbage collection. Nothing.

“I can’t”

“Nurse, can you get Kirsty a glass of water”

We talked about holidays, children, Morocco and travelling. Nothing.

“I can’t”

And I really couldn’t. My bladder was bursting, but something in my psyche, a voice I couldn’t hear because it had faded since toilet training, said no way.

An hour went by.

“Are you okay Kirsty? You’re not going to faint are you?”

“I will die of boredom or pure frustration before I faint. What do I do? How do I fix it?”

“Nurse, get Kirsty another glass of water will you?”

Two hours. The nurse let it slip that the longest they’d waited for a patient to wee was five hours. Tears began to form, not big ones; small, frustrated, locked my keys in the car, lost my grandmothers necklace tears. I’m useless, I’m pathetic, this is stupid. Those tears.

I mumbled to myself “I’ve had enough, it’s been a long six weeks. I cant handle this anymore”. My friend Mr Defeatist had joined me.

What if I don’t do it?” In came Mr Quitter.

“You’ll go home with both catheters until you can”. Mr Resolve told them both to leave the room.

I heard my phone ringing in my bag in the change room. I knew it was the little travellers, it was their scheduled time to call.


Thirty minutes of excruciating, busting to go but can’t go, went by.

If I could get this done, I could catch the children before they left for school.

“It’s coming!”

My surgeon tells me my urethra is “beautiful”. With tremendous pride she pointed to the x-ray and said “see, you can’t even see I’ve been there”. It will be my new opening line at dinner parties, tell us a bit about yourself Kirsty “well, I have a beautiful urethra”.

“Tomorrow I’ll take out the other catheter and have a good look at your vagina”.

She really knows how to make a girl feel special.

  • Nicole Morgan

    Oh love, without humor – just where would we be? You will be home soon, all shiny and new … altho that shiny and new bit won’t really be seen by the rest of us 😉

  • ADoC

    That’s fantastic news! So happy for you.

  • Stacy

    Bless you! This has been a long road. But you are nearing the end now, with a great holiday in front of you.

    (Congratulations on making wee wee. Good girl!)

  • Stephanie Doust

    Big fan of Mr Resolve. Just wish he wasn’t so tardy all the time! Great news that all has healed so well. On the home stretch.

  • JO

    You are such a star, blogging this with such humour when there must be a corner of you that wants to shrivel up with the embarrassment of it. I laugh and cry with you. Hang in there – not long now.

  • Amoola

    *hugs* great news!!! 😀

  • wsb

    Great news – now you can truly say you are beautiful inside and out 🙂

  • vegemitevix

    This is the most I’ve laughed all day. Thanks hun xx NB/ you are special.

  • Leisa

    I just love your take on things! 🙂

  • Kath Lockett

    Ah, nothing like being told you have a beautiful urethra! Merry Christmas and happy silly season and all the rest of it!

  • Dena Barrie

    Hang in there! Maybe she’ll tell you that your vagina is just as beautiful? Thinking of you!

  • MsCaroline

    Hurrah! Just the news I’ve been waiting for! I bet knowing that you’re getting those things out was worth having to go through the public performance! Well done!

  • nmaha

    Good for you. I can kind of understand how tough it must have been. My little one went through it when she was less than two, of course she wasn’t fully toilet trained 🙂