Forty Four

It’s 12.02am. I have just turned 44. Just like that. Yesterday I was 26, I’m sure of it.

I tried to think of a good rhyme for the new age. Forty Four and not on the floor? Forty Four and a terrible bore? I’ve settled on Forty Four and ready for more.

More what? More of the everyday. I missed the everyday so badly when I was sick. I missed the school runs, the requests for after school snacks while homework was being discussed. I missed the menu planners and the grocery aisle walking. All of these things, are the things I contribute to their lives, feeding them; their tummies, their brains, their souls.

I’m not sure I ever thought I’d get this old, not through a premonition of death, more through a lack of forward thinking. I never imagined this.

As a child and teen, I calculated my age in the year 2000, and could never contemplate 31. I was sure my millennium celebrations would be stagnated by the fact that I was so old.

Forty Four and ready for more.

I want more strength. I want stronger shoulders, a stronger core, stronger legs. There will be swimming this year, and weights. I’m not running anymore. I know it works for others, but it is the kryptonite of my gym experience, sucking my soul with each awkward and lumbering step.

Life is moving to quickly, it’s time to do the things I like. I like exercise that makes me feel good, and lets my mind wander. I like swimming, walking, yoga; exercise that doesn’t make my cheeks jostle and my boobs pound. I want to be stronger. I don’t care about thinner, I am truly at peace with thin – but I want to be stronger.

I want to keep spending time here, right here on this page with you. More time to research and tap away at the keyboard. More time with my head in the thesaurus, and less time avoiding sentences with grammar I’m unsure of.

I do not want more hospitals, more doctors, or more miners of vaginas. I’m done with them for awhile.

I do not want more procrastination. I now have a time frame, a schedule, writing now has its full permission – its place. I no longer fit it in around everything else.

So here we are.

Forty Four and ready for more.

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