Waiting For That Big Thing

In the lead up to leaving Doha, there were many times I told friends I wanted to wake up tomorrow and discover it was December 13th. I just wanted to skip all the hard bits. I didn’t want to leave the children. I didn’t want to go to hospital. I didn’t want the catheters or the recovery process. I couldn’t imagine going through any of it without G.

I wonder now what I must have looked like when I was transiting through Kuala Lumpur. I was just so sad. So, so sad. I cried in the Royal Selangor shop over a set of salad servers. Except it wasn’t really the salad servers, it was what they represented. It had been ten years since we’d lived in KL, we’d bought the most beautiful pewter salad servers when we left as a memento. They’d gone with us to Libya and then onto Canada and the US. They now sit a drawer in our kitchen in Doha. I thought about all the different bowls, the different food, the different friends.

I wasted so much our year in Kuala Lumpur. We knew it wasn’t a long term posting. We’d been told to just “sit tight” until they told G where the next gig was. The entire year was punctuated by G coming home from work and me asking “have you heard anything yet?”

I forgot to stop thinking about what was next, and instead, just think about what was now.

There are so many beautiful memories of that time. Watching the monkeys swinging in the trees in the mini jungle across from our house. The first traveller’s second birthday. The birth of the second little traveller.  We had some great friends, life was busy, but I just couldn’t get my head away from ”have you heard anything yet?” I was in a rush to see what the next big thing would be.

I don’t want to waste the next month while I wait for G and the children to arrive. I don’t want to lose any more days. The little travellers and I have enjoyed some of the best chats on Skype over the past few weeks, and I have learnt so much about how we work as a family by stepping back and watching from a distance.

It’s time to really get writing, I am determined that when I pick up the little travellers from the airport, I will have something to show for it. Fifty thousand words closer to the end of the book.

The big thing? The big thing is happening right now.

  • http://sorrentomoon.wordpress.com/ sorrentomoon

    Yes, yes, yes – I so get where you are coming from. I wrote a piece on it last year. I would love for you to read it. Go grab yourself a cuppa with your two bickies, I think you will like it. Cheers SM
    http://sorrentomoon.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/theres-no-place-like-home/

  • Vicki Loadsman

    I think Elton John’s “I guess that’s why they call it the blues” could be your anthem! Lyrics are perfect. Yes, don’t wish it away – its not forever.

  • Janelle

    I have spent alot of time in the last 2 years wishing for things to be different, wanting things that I had in the past, wishing for the new overseas job and a different life. Makes it hard to appreciate the present. I wrote about the same thing this week, if you care to have a look. http://365project.org/stuckinoz/365-year-2/2012-11-13

  • http://www.rebeccasparrow.com/ Rebecca Sparrow

    I always, always love your writing. So I’m excited to hear there’s a book in progress!

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15026987107815016616 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle

      The feeling is mutual xx

  • http://darlenefoster.wordpress.com/ darlenefoster

    “no matter what happens, life is an adventure, There will be good days and bad times. The good days build fond memories. The bad times build character.” I can’t remember who said this to me but I love it. Your life has been one big adventure. I can’t wait to read the book!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00730557217264985056 manycoloured-days

    Someone posted something on fb a while back that stayed with me… I’m not sure if it was a quote or just a thought, but still. Life is what happens while you sit and think about the future…. something like that. Make the most of today and these few weeks, the children will be fine.

  • Anonymous

    This just made me weepy. Going thru this same thing right now after 10+ years as an expat. The constant wondering of whether to stay or go. And yet I am happy in the moment, but I don’t let myself enjoy it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08069990328770303361 Michele @ The Hills Are Alive……

    So very true. THIS is life. Right now. Have done the same thing waiting for x y or z or all the ducks to be in a row. Such a waste of the here and now. All the best with that writing

  • http://smellsgoodfeelsgood.wordpress.com/ smellsgoodfeelsgood

    hey, look at you! I have been reading about your unhappiness and worry about leaving your family and going for an operation, and really feeling for you. Still, there is no point fighting it, this is what is happening, this is what has to happen – so what good can you see in it? I think you’re starting to find it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15200789884126385453 Amoola

    make sure book can be downloaded onto a kindle!!!

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08499944412217904302 vegemitevix

    This is me right now. Waiting for the next bit, hoping I can skip the tricky bits in the in-between times. Tough gig this expat life. All my empathetic love, Vxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16349087080262856079 Jerry E Beuterbaugh

    I hope the bad goes by much more quickly than the good.