My Democracy, My Dictatorship

 

The third little traveler wasn’t happy with a decision that had been made. As he left the room he muttered “I hate you, you’re just so mean”. I’d just removed the iPod from his hands and ordered him outside to kick the football with his brother. So mean.

 We are in week six of school holidays (we have five more to go). G’s been back in Doha for nearly three weeks now, this means there is only one name to call in the event of a crises. A crises like where’s the toothpaste and we’ve run out of toilet paper. For the past few weeks whenever something has gone wrong, the first name to be called is “Muuuuuuuuum”, you know the Mum I mean right? Not the short, staccato one syllable Mum, but the long drawn out three syllable “Muuaaaaauuuuhhhm”. And then there’s the questions.

“What can I have for breakfast?”

“What’s for lunch?”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Are we going out today?”

“Do we have to go out today?”

“When are we going to library?”

“Why do we have to go to the library?”

“Can we go to the beach?”

“I don’t want to go to the beach?”

“When are we going to Granny’s house?”

“Why are we going to Granny’s house?”

“How come you never let us….” this sentence can be completed with any event that has recently been done, but then conveniently erased from their memory. The logic of a child.

I know it because I’m slowly becoming sucked into its vortex. The only thing keeping this house from turning into the land of twenty-four hour television and a continuous supply of chicken nuggets, is the negotiating skills of Kofi Annan which are required on a daily basis. Only Kofi never had to demand the demise of a cubby house that had been three days in the making while catching someone head first from the top bunks. Kofi never had to say “eat your broccoli now or else I will put it on your cereal tomorrow”.

I began this holiday just like Kofi “knowing that information and knowledge are central to true democracy” I will end this holiday with democracy being replaced by a much more comfortable benevolent dictatorship. I sprang into our holiday break believing everyone had a voice, I now think of these voices as white noise in the distance. What began as “what would you all like to do today” has been replaced with “because I said so”. Oh, who am I kidding, it will simply be a strained and shouty “BECAUSE!”

This morning I was awoken in the usual way. My third little traveler aka our blonde alarm clock, woke me with a kiss on the cheek and a whispered “Morning, love you Mum” before disappearing out towards the bliss that is holiday morning television.

It appears that this dictator is not always popular, but she is loved.

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Comments

  1. Just think of room service xx

  2. That’s a beautiful way to be woken up. I had a huge grin on my face when I read that!

    I hear you re. the Muuuuuuuuuuuhhmmmm!’ stuff though. Becomes exceedingly tedious very quickly – and we only had TWO weeks of school hols! Hang in there, hon xx

    • He is gorgeous (when he’s not carving his initials into the furniture or giving his little brother a “nipple cripple”) This weekend I’m handing over the children to granny while I catch up with some girlfriends – no-one will call me Muuuuuuuuhhhhmmm for at least 48 hours. As I type this I’m realizing how ridiculous it is that I will begin missing them the moment I look at their empty car seats. Why does that happen??

  3. BrillIant as ever! Love your blonde alarm clock. Mine is a brunette one that gives a lovely kiss and bear hug before asking: mummy where are we going today? And even throughout the day even when we are doing something fun and exciting I still get: mummy tomorrow when we wake up where are we going to go?!

    I’m currently on a relative democracy ad there are loads of hands around. Aunts, uncles, godparents and grandparents… Once we are in our new pad in doha it will quickly revert to dictatorship for my sanity as it will be me and hubby… Well me really as he is at work!

    Love the blog! X

  4. oh yes. I don’t remember the exact moment when my adult respect for democracy morphed into a parental need for a (benign) dictatorship, but I do remember pondering it, laughing about it with my partner and then accepting it.

  5. “Nipple cripple”. Bwa ha ha. Hilarious!

  6. Pretty good. This is what they devolve to after a month at grandma’s house. But the month of non bored engagement and not having to shove them out the door to play is great.

  7. Do you have a spy-camera set up in our holiday rental in Calgary? Because what you describe is exactly what my life has been like for the past five weeks! My husband doesn’t arrive for another 10 days. I hear the same complaints…and now nobody gets a vote but me, the (now malevolent) dictator 🙂

    • I too was going to comment on your strength of character in maintaining a “benevolent” dictatorship! My own form of dictatorship is much better described as malevolent, desperate, oppressive, etc…

  8. Thank you for helping me feel my family is still normal. The what is for dinner lunch breakfast drives me nuts.
    Thank you for your wonderfully written words I love to read them.

  9. love it x

  10. ‘…I now think of these voices as white noise in the distance.’ Been there, done that, thought that (and sometimes still do!)

  11. After a disagreement about something, my very tall brother who was about 14 at the time whispered f*** off to our very short mother as he walked away, but not quite soft enough and she heard. She asked him to come to her as she wanted to tell him something important. She asked him to bend down cos she didn’t want to talk loudly. She then slapped him across the face and said you might think it mate, but don’t you ever say it so I can hear it.

    Hilarious – imagine how angry she was to slap him – that would never happen these days!

    I wonder is it easier to deal with all those questions and to be called mmaaaaaaaauuuuhhhmm by one voice or many? Having one child, it’s the same voice, the same questions, the same everthing over the holidays – does being called for and upon by various voices make a difference?

    x

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