No Words

We wandered around as if we’d been sedated. Grocery shopping and school drop offs were done quietly, hugs at the school gate lasted longer. I stood in the vegetable section of the supermarket and watched people cry with strangers, they shook their heads and agreed that there were no words. A girlfriend of mine sat down next to me and said “I’m not talking”. I immediately knew what she meant, I’d been thinking the same thing all day. Talking about it, made it somehow sound flippant. I walked behind two women as they recounted the absolute tragedy of the Spanish family “they lost three, they only have one now”.

I thought about my four little travelers. About talking about them like dinnerware. “I used to have four of those plates, I only have one now”. I tried to imagine one of them left, but you can’t, you can’t imagine.

A girlfriend sent a text “I’m sitting in the school car park crying”, we arranged to meet. As we sat together outside of the coffee shop, our conversation somehow lost its timing. Intermittently one of us would stop mid sentence, unable to finish. There were conversations like ours happening all around us. Qatari men shook their heads, the staff behind the counter told me they were going to church that evening to pray for one of their congregation.

A women walked past in a dress that made me look twice, and in amongst the unspeakable I found myself thinking the ordinary. “I love her dress” I said it out loud without thinking. She disappeared down the escalators. I noticed her again, twice, she wandered by from one direction and then another. Was she lost? We made eye contact and I attempted to smile “I really like your dress”. Her french accent wasn’t surprising, she was the perfect stereotype, late forties, sophisticated yet casual and elegant. She told me she’d made the dress herself.

“Ive watched you walk past several times and each time I’ve admired it”

Her eyes flickered, she was about to cry. She shook her head.

“I cannot concentrate this morning, I keep forgetting what I’m meant to be doing. I cannot stop thinking about the children. This fire, it is too…” her voiced trailed off.

“We all feel the same” I said.

No words.

There it was again. No words.

As we made our way across the park this evening I couldn’t help but look back at the people making their way to the vigil. Abayas and thobes, skirts, suits and headscarfs, we were a multitude of skin colours, accents and origins – all gathered for the same reason. We needed some way of showing support, we needed to share our grief. Many of us sat in silence, and then the words came in the form of prayer and a Haka. We held each other tight. The second little traveler looked over towards the parents of the angel triplets.

“Why is the Mummy holding the stuffies?”

“They belonged to her babies”

No words.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07317577935549931974 Talei

    Truly devastating. You are right, there are no words. It’s hard to comprehend something like this happening to family and friends. When you think of the children, its so difficult not to cry. I did. My heartfelt prayers and thoughts go out to everyone suffering there. Take care. xo

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02278850983558455546 Yvette Vignando

    Only tears … xx

  • http://www.ducksonthedam.com.au/ Alli @ ducks on the dam

    Ah but you did have words. You had words as the tragedy unfolded to ensure that we were listening. You had beautiful words yesterday to help us relate the news to real people. I’m sure you will have more words as your community tries to cope. Thankyou for your words. We’re listening.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13933191141338188027 ~stinkb0mb~

    i can’t even begin to comprehend how ANY of you are feeling but my heart truly goes out to the families of the children who died, especially the New Zealand couple who lost their three cherubs & the Spanish family who now only have one living child instead of four, truly mind boggling and i hope Doha community continues to rally around them.

    sending love from afar.

    ~x~

  • Anonymous

    Oh oh, if my heart feels like this. Please dear God, help these families. The ache…..overwhelming.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14264515129666467121 Marguerite

    Kirsty -crying at my workdesk so far away in Tasmania…
    xxx Marguerite

  • http://www.kidswatch.com/ Parental Control Software

    Quite sad. People shouldn’t undergo such a sad thing.

  • http://www.whatsarahdidnext.com/ What Sarah Did Next

    It’s just devastating, really. My heart goes out to all. 🙁

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17145699000960809495 Domestic Goddesque

    You have written so beautifully about such deep deep tragedy- sometimes there needs to be the words. My prayers are for you all. How truly heartbreaking.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17077972791398339893 Vicky

    I have no words. only tears… xxxxx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14759336965970856540 Littlemissairgap

    I thought of you and your little travellers as soon as I read this tragic story online. I”ve never consulted evacuation procedures or whether regular fire drills are carried out when I’ve placed my children in care. You just presume these things are done or known. Thankyou for your beautifully first hand post and what a significant way to honour those who lost their lives with an honourable Haka.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08499944412217904302 vegemitevix

    I cry every time I read the news or see that video. Devastated for you and sending my love from the UK. Kia Kaha Vix xx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16888810644186418559 Denwise aka Denyse Whelan

    41 seconds of love & pain in that small & powerful vigil footage. Oh K, hold your babies tight…. Much love Denyse xx

  • http://sorrentomoon.wordpress.com/ sorrentomoon

    Yuk! Oh how sick I feel right now. I wish I could lighten their load. Through the darkness the sun will shine again, those babies now have the greatest job of all – blessed angels watching over their families.

  • http://darlenefoster.wordpress.com/ darlenefoster

    These are heartfelt posts. Thanks for sharing the feelings with those of us on the other side of the world. These sad things can happen anywhere and we must hold those that are dear to us close while we can.

  • Anonymous

    day three… and still… no words… only hear-clenching tears…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08609190990579743429 Kath

    No words indeed.

  • Vicky w

    Very sad.. I have 3 kids myself and could not imagine how life would be without them 🙁

  • Catherine

    Thank you for your honesty & clear viewpoint of this terrible devastating tragedy. I read about the news whilst sitting at my desk, about to start another typical office day at work in Perth CBD.
    What a jolt to the senses.
    Immediately thought of my own beautiful 9 month old son, playing happily with his grandma at home. Could not imagine how to cope if…. Unthinkable.
    I used to live in Dubai & have visited that shopping centre in Doha. Images clear in my mind. I haven’t stopped thinking about it, even on the other side of the world.
    I hope you all find extra strength to get through this difficult painful time ahead. Inshallah.

  • http://www.realsuburbanmummy.com/ Ramblings Of A Suburban Mummy

    Devastating situation, you are right there truly are no words x

  • Anonymous

    This is a lovely sensitive piece Kirsty. As a parent who knows, these words would be welcomed. Kim