Losing your dignity in Doha

It was a day of performances. The first performance involved G and I sitting in the front row of the elementary school music room. With grins from ear to ear, we watched the second little traveler play Grandma in Little Red Riding Hood. She was fantastic. She was particularly fantastic because she suffers from incredible stage fright.

G and I had both raised an eyebrow weeks ago when she mentioned signing up. In the weeks leading up to the event there had been many “I’m not sure” conversations. As she stood in front of us I could see her shaking. As the narrator introduced the characters she looked up and smiled, we all smiled back. She stood front and centre, she belted out her lines with feeling. I was in awe.

The second performance involved me, also looking like Grandma. In a room full of hip and cool young Doha tweeters, there was I, sitting on a chair, my foot wrapped in an ice pack, my leg elevated and a borrowed pashmina over my knees. All I needed was my knitting and a warm cup of cocoa and I would have pulled it off perfectly.

I’d been making jokes all day about my age. I was really excited about speaking at the Doha Tweetups event, but I was aware that I might be, ahem, a few years older than the average young tweeter.  I mean, I’m not that old, it’s not like I’m Helen Mirren or Dame Judy Dench old, but I’m afraid when you’re 20 you become Helena Christensen or Kylie Minogue old.

The venue was gorgeous, a mix of old and new, a Middle Eastern feel with people smoking Sheesha while tapping away on ipads.  I looked around the room, at the diversity in the crowd, it had everything I love about living in Qatar, a feeling of optimism.

I began to recognize a few faces, avatars were falling in to place. People smiled, a few people waved. “This is cool” I said to G “It’s going to be a good night”. After a quick chat with one of the organizers (who thankfully doubles as a Doctor in her spare time), we organized what time I’d go on, “the microphone will be here, you’ll stand there”. I smiled, I wasn’t feeling old, I was nervous but hey, I was a little bit cool, a little bit hip, I was happening.

I was flying.

No, really, I was flying. Through the air. Upon reentering the room I’d lost my footing. Did I elegantly stumble to the ground? Nope. I made a noise, a really weird noise, a kind of primal noise that someone would make if they’d just been pushed off a cliff. Actually, there were a few noises in those few seconds, my primal scream, the sound of bones in my foot crunching and then finally the sound of me face planting on the cold hard dusty tiles. I landed in the form of one those yellow outlines you see on crime shows, legs spread, arms out, face down. I wasn’t so cool anymore.

“Oh my God” I heard someone shriek. I imagined security speaking in to their  Walkie Talkies “code red, code red, Grandma had a fall”. People looked at me in horror. Maybe the expat wife had a few to many gins before she left home? If only I could use that as an excuse. I looked up at G, he looked confused, he’d been walking ahead of me. When I asked him later at the hospital what he thought had happened, he said (as only a man could) “I thought you must have dropped something, that you were down on the ground looking for it”.

Yes, that would be my dignity, I was face down on the tiles searching desperately for my dignity.

The next hour is a bit of a blur, I was helped on to a chair, my foot was wrapped in ice, people looked at me with puppy dog eyes, poor old lady. My foot got bigger and bigger, great, its not only my thighs I have to worry about now. I quickly covered the chipped red nail polish on my toes.

My foot began to throb, it was getting worse by the minute. “I need to get this speech done and find a way to the car” I said to G, he very cleverly took it as an instruction rather than an observation and started making plans.

The speech wasn’t my finest hour, I lost my way, I got confused, at one stage I said I had 20 kids, 4 blogs and a suitcase, can you imagine…..only one suitcase?

After making my way through the crowd, shoeless and hopping with dust on my bum, G somehow lifted me on to the back of a golf buggy and off we went to the hospital. I giggled as G made rude jokes about getting my ankles elevated and how he’d have to give me sponge baths. I thought about the Little Travelers and how much excitement the cast and the crutches would bring. I thought about the other Grandma, my second Little Traveler, did I mention she was fantastic? Next time I’ll be as good as her.

*The MC of Doha tweet ups last night was a fantastic comedian called Bilal Randeree. I thought you might like to see a quick clip of Bilal and some of Qatars other comedians and tweeters (particularly our first Qatari female comedian)…

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Comments

  1. Oh honey I so hope you are feeling better and more mobile soon xx

  2. LOVED this post and your writing style! So funny. Can’t wait to read more.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog and following.

    Trish
    x

  3. I must be the worlds’ worst follower because I laughed at your fall. Not because you are hurt, but because you made it sound so funny!
    I hope the foot is getting better?

  4. Oh you had me at the Primal Noise. Had me laughing my guts out. Not funny, but funny the way you tell it. Damn girl.

  5. OUCH!

  6. So funny!

    Not a lot of written text makes me laugh out loud – this did, a lot.

    I love your husband’s comment…thinking you dropped something. Too funny.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  7. you stupid tit. only you could break your leg falling over. *shakes head wearily*

    But hey, it made for a good bog post, eh? 😉 Hope it mends soon and isn’t too painful for you love xxx

  8. Just watched the video, that looks like fun – wish we had something similar here.

  9. Ooh Kirsty, I just spat my lunch all over my desk when I got to “Code Red, code red”! Bless you, i hope your foot is much better v soon!

  10. This was truly a LOL post. Esp the bit about you mucking up your blog name! Oh, look at me…I’m laughing again. xxx

  11. Oh no that is dreadful (and a tiny bit funny too). I hope you are not still starving upstairs and dear husband has been looking after you. xx

  12. You are hilarious. I was guffawing rudely at your expense. I love you. I managed to trip down the stairs in my white gown to the ground at my high school graduation dance. I managed to trip up the stairs at a piano eistedford at age approx 13. You are my hero because you not only tripped but you face planted, you crushed bones and you still made the frigging speech. Beyond brilliant. xx
    ps change the blog name. best bit.

  13. I’m so sorry about your fall and injury but that. was. hilarious! My kids kept hopping on my lap to see what I was laughing at. You have the great ability to laugh at yourself & turn a negative situation around. The world needs more people like you. I hope you are back on your feet soon but in the meantime I’ll be giggling through out the day when I think of you.

  14. tht wuld hve hurt.too bad. Lastnite in JayLeno mentioned how she fell in airport while wearing 12inch heel immediately after papparazi surfaced..
    you will get pass this,dont worry. 😉
    You have narrated wonderfully.
    Congrats!The video is funny

  15. As a result of my SCDS, I tend to fall a lot. I have visions of that old commercial where the aged lady has fallen and can’t get up (or was that just on in the US). Your falls are far more spectacular and hysterical than mine. Though I can see my hubby asking if I’d dropped something. You made me laugh out loud several times. Thank you. I needed that. I hope you are back on both feet soon.

  16. Love it! Thanks for the shout out – your blog is linked from the Doha Tweeups website: http://dohatweetups.com/

    http://www.bilalr.com/

  17. It is SUCH a relief to be laughing at someone else’s misfortune instead of other people laughing at mine! THANK YOU!!!

  18. ROFL! At least you were able to mine your pain for some comedy gold… My husband and I are both clutzes, which mean our kids stand very little chance. In the early stages of our relationship we were sightseeing around Scotland and had to do a bit of walking around old castles with uneven ground/steps of varying height; and my husband tripped up a step, put his hands out to steady himself, stepped forward again, and tripped (again) over his own hands… I wanted to help him but couldn’t see through my tears of laughter. Great blog!

  19. I’m sorry to say that I laughed out loud throughout most of your post, your unfortunate event made great reading material!! Poor you! Hope your foot is making a speedy recovery! p.s – congratulations on making it through the speech! X

  20. Hope your feeling better..Speedy recovery on the foot..I tried to break my ankle a few years ago running to the car. My foot went one way and the leg went another when I hit a small crack..Such a horrible noise. Hit my head on the bumper of the car on the way down. Funny to think of it now but it was so painful I couldn’t even cry.

  21. Oh, you handled it so well it seems!

  22. Oh,my! That’s a ‘get yourself up, dust yourself off and pretend it didn’t happen’ moment!

    Hope you’re better!

  23. hi love! thanks so much for visiting my lil blog the other day. im enjoying ure blog so much. so interesting and great insight. im hooked! 😉

  24. Oh dear. I’m sure you did a fabulous job, despite the injury and loss of dignity!

  25. LOL – something I totally would have done 🙂

    We are having an in-house debate on how to pronounce Qatar – ‘Cutter’ or ‘Ka-tar’? Thanks for the clear-up 🙂 XoL

  26. Sooo funny! Very entertaining to read about anyway – maybe not so for you at the time – love that you were able to laugh at the end of the day, hope you heal quickly 🙂

  27. Omigosh! I am so sorry to hear about this, as I sit with my leg elevated from a very embarrassing skiing accident which split my pants on bunny slope. I blew my knee out and am recovering from surgery…anyway, hope you are all better or on your way!

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