5 Beauty tips for a shamozal free day

I have somehow ended up on a mailing list for daily beauty tips. Each day for the past week I’ve received emails with titles such as “when is it too young for botox” (I’m guessing maybe six or seven, I mean the aging process between grades 1 and 2 is brutal) and “how to get dramatic eyes” (perhaps by not taking yesterday’s make up off)?

Today I received 5 beauty tips which, if followed, may have taken up a good two to three hours of my day. Never going to happen. 


If I was looking for tips though, maybe these top 5 could have saved me (or my friend Tash) from a little embarrassment in the past:


Avoid picking your knickers out of your bum after just spreading nutella/vegemite on school lunches whilst wearing white linen trousers.

It is not physically possible to scream “brush your hair and put your shoes on” whilst vigorously brushing your teeth without a clothing catastrophe, you will discover at around 2.15 in the afternoon (after dropping the little travelers off at school and being in contact with around 40 other adults of various degrees of importance to you) that you have 2 big globs of toothpaste on each boob.

If you feel something flapping around your navel it is probably the left flap of your maternity bra, whilst clipping it DO NOT squeeze both boobs to remind yourself of which boob is “up next”….and yes that smell means you didn’t remember to put your deodorant on after you ran back in to the house for the third time.

That thing you do when you dab 5 dobs of concealer under each eye in the morning….just remember to rub in it BEFORE you arrive at the office

If you sneeze whilst applying your mascara and start looking for a kleenex don’t be surprised by any Alice Cooper or panda references for the rest of the day.

Follow these rules and I’m sure you’ll be fabulous!

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